Hi Mum. It’s ah – well, it’s me, you see. You’ll probably have already watched Crossfire (Tuesday, 9pm, BBC One) before you get this, but – heh. Well, half the show is just people leaving voicemails. So I guess we’re here. Yeah, do call me back if you get a sec, there is – I mean there are gunshots in the background, so …
Hi Mum, me again, I’m in a car park that’s blue and have been here for ages with absolutely nothing happening so thought I’d leave you a voicemail just in case you didn’t get the last one. Ah so: Keeley Hawes is here and she’s an ex-copper and we’re all on holiday and some lads are shooting up the hotel. I’m just going to lower my voice to a whisper for a minute, instead of hanging up and holding my breath in silence. Only I heard a small noise in the corridor by the locked door I’m hiding behind. And that could be a gunman coming to kill me. So I’ll probably just end this one here. Of course, the sensible choice would have been to stop talking to you many, many, many seconds ago.
