Get all your news in one place.
100's of premium titles.
One app.
Start reading
The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Comment
Stewart Lee

INSANE: My plan to topple the tory dark lords in 2024 | Vintage Vibes

Illustration by David Foldvari of Sauron NHS data collector
Illustration by David Foldvari. Illustration: David Foldvari/The Observer

Happy new year! But is it too late to save British democracy as we once knew it? In 2024, details of your awkward rectal prolapse could soon be earning a pretty penny for shareholders of an American surveillance business. What a time to be alive!

The American spy technology company Palantir has been given a £330m contract by NHS England to manage its “federated data platform”, which integrates our patient records. Palantir is, genuinely, named after magical orbs in JRR Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings, which the actual Dark Lord, Sauron, uses to spy on the hobbits when he is sending the Nazgûl to murder them. This should perhaps have rang alarm bells.

Sign up to read this article
Read news from 100's of titles, curated specifically for you.
Already a member? Sign in here
Related Stories
Top stories on inkl right now
One subscription that gives you access to news from hundreds of sites
Already a member? Sign in here
Our Picks
Fourteen days free
Download the app
One app. One membership.
100+ trusted global sources.