I missed the wedding itself, but they rode up the beach on white horses, and everything was conspicuously expensive.

That is not the cringe.

Right after the wedding, she took the groom aside and said, "So, this is a sham marriage, and we are never having s*x. I have been banging my boyfriend of about a decade this whole time, and I am going to keep doing that. My parents would never approve of him, but you are more presentable. If you agree to persist as my beard, my family will cover your food, housing, and doctoral degree. Otherwise, you will lose everything."

He opted to divorce her, which was financially ruinous and socially dreadful, but he has been married to a lovely woman for over a decade now.

Got absolutely wasted during their reception, go out to a bar afterwards, and roll around on the dance floor in their gown and tux because they couldn't stand anymore. They ended up being carried to a car and driven to their hotel, and missed their honeymoon flight the next day.

The bride flashing her hairless kitty to everyone yelling here's what he's getting tonite!

The couple was heavily evangelical and saved their first kiss for the wedding. Groom wore a vampire cape.

Officiant: You may now kiss the bride

Groom: Nobody look!!

Groom: *lifts up cape to cover both of their faces during the kiss*

The bride’s face was bright red when the cape came down. Just so hard to watch. They have a baby now so they must have figured it out.

Wasnt the couple but the preacher. It was the bride's father and he married the couple. Which in general sounded like a sweet gesture. But He used the entire ceremony to talk about how the wife's (his daughter) only purpose in life was to submit/please her husband and have babies. Im not religious so the whole dad telling his daughter her only value is how happy she makes her husband and making babies was awkward to me.

The pastor gave a speech about how the groom now owns the bride and has to take care of stuff he owns, just like his car.

Then, per 'family tradition', he put her in a wheelbarrow and wheeled her out of the ceremony.

It was painful to watch then. I don't see them much these days, but when I do, it's still painful to watch.

Getting drunk and puking on the wedding cake.

Groom got caught making out with the male caterer. Bride's family went ballistic and tried to beat up the Groom. Cops were called, lots of arrests. Marriage lasted 3 hours (technically it was never formalized because the marriage certificate wasn't filed.) But hey, at least there was cake!