In college my friend was a swimmer. Her entire foot was coated in plantar’s warts. Nothing helping. Circa 2002, the internet said duct tape. A month later, still the greatest miracle I’ve ever witnessed with my own eyes.

I had that “when you know, you know” feeling prior to this point but this situation really sealed it for me:

I had to get surgery & anesthesia for the first time in my life. I was really anxious about the anesthesia and equally nervous that it was imperative he cared for me at least for the first few days of recovery. This was the first time in my life and in our relationship where I couldn’t stubbornly reject help. I had to really lean on him.

This man took a day off work to drive me to the appt and back, spent the next few days of his weekend taking care of me, made me food, when I was good to be alone he spent whatever time he wasn’t working with me. He got me whatever I needed when needed (switching out ice packs, water, pain meds, etc.) and checked in on me religiously. This sounds like very simple low bar stuff, and it is, and also as someone who grew up hyper independent and with a previous partner who was a hobosexual, it was eye opening to not only be treated this way. I could be in a vulnerable position, let down my guard, and it not backfire.

This was all massive for me, but what truly locked it in for me was this: the first week I could only sleep for about 4 hours, and every 4 hours around the clock I needed pain medication. I’d wake up in terrible pain and move myself from the bedroom to the living room so he could sleep. Without fail, every night, he would wake up immediately and ask if I needed ice packs or medication and retrieve both for me, and when I’d leave, he’d follow me out of our room half asleep and plop on the second couch. I told him he can stay in bed and he refused and said that he wanted to make sure he was nearby “just in case”.

If this wasn’t unconditional love, reliability, and devotion, I don’t know what is.

Flunked out of college at 19, moved home and met my husband. didn’t go back to school for a while, eventually started taking community college classes because I had always felt like a failure for not finishing my Bachelor’s and it’s something that’s extremely important to me. I was so stressed about college and how I would pay for it, etc. but kept taking classes and figured I’d worry about student loans when it came time to try and transfer to a four-year institution.

husband (boyfriend at the time) got a job interview at the (very good) university that he’d graduated from and spent the entire week leading up to it unbelievably stressed, preparing more for that interview than I’ve ever seen someone prepare. It didn’t even pay particularly well, and he didn’t love his time living in the college town so I was really confused about why he cared so much and a little pissy about how he’d been no fun all week.

After the interview, he was so nervous about it that I didn’t even want to ask how it went or bring it up at all. He ended up getting the job, and when he told me, he said that the reason he had been so pressed to be hired was because they offer full tuition remission to the spouses and long-term partners of staff and faculty. He hadn’t wanted to jinx it, but the reason he applied and wanted to work there was because he wanted to be able to give me the education I had spent so many years working towards and dreaming about. He said that being able to help me get my Bachelor’s was something that he wanted to do so badly because he loves me and admires me and knowing that it was a weight on me made him sad.

We were dating for 8 years before we got married, and there were plenty of other moments in that time that made me realize I wanted to be with him forever, but that really sealed the deal and showed me he was serious about not only sharing a life with me, but making sure that I am always taken care of in every way, no matter what.