For some parents, children are their whole world — like an extension of themselves. That’s why finding out that a child you thought was yours is biologically someone else’s can be devastating news. Such occurrences are rare, as only about 1-3% of dads unknowingly may not be their children’s biological fathers, but it doesn’t make finding out the truth any less heartbreaking.
This man had to find out the news from a mutual friend of his and his wife’s. After he came back from a road trip with his son, he immediately confronted his wife. In an online post, the man detailed how things went and came back with an update about a paternity test two weeks later.
A man found out some devastating news from his long-time friend on a road trip
When he came back home, he confronted his wife about it, and she confirmed it was true
Commenters urged the guy to take a paternity test before taking any action
Even the courts may sometimes rule in favor of a non-biological parent
Coming to terms with not just your wife cheating but also lying to you about your child’s paternity can seem like a trauma you can’t come back from. This man’s story is a great example of how one shouldn’t make rash decisions after finding out something as traumatic as misattributed paternity — he now has more options to make his wife face consequences for her lying and doing right by the 10-year-old he thought was his daughter.
Research shows that when we make decisions while angry or feeling other intense emotions, we end up with consequences that are risky and low-payoff. “When you're feeling really emotional, your risks can become self-destructive, and when those big risks don't pay off, your anger and embarrassment are likely to intensify,” Amy Morin, LCSW, writes for Psychology Today.
Although our emotions often get the best of us, thinking with a clear head is crucial in moments like these. Family Law experts at Fay & Farrow recommend that the first steps after finding out about false paternity should be to seek mental health counseling or therapy and then find a good attorney.
Several different scenarios may play out in such a case. The knee-jerk reaction of a father in this position is to file for divorce, but that may backfire: if the biological father decides to establish paternity, that might mean diminished parenting time and rights.
If the biological father has no interest, the outlook is somewhat better. In such legal cases, courts usually work in the best interest of the child. “Parental responsibility extends beyond biological connections and is fundamentally linked to the welfare of the child,” the experts at Brian D. Perskin & Associates write.
Anecdotal evidence and at-home DNA kits skew our perception of the prevalence of paternity fraud
Stories like these may warp your perception of how common false paternity is. Previously, you might’ve seen statistics that around 20-30% of fathers are raising children who are not biologically theirs. These statistics have been disproven and are now considered false — as we mentioned at the beginning of this article, only around 1-3% of fathers may not be biologically related to their children.
As biology professor Marlene Zuck told the LA Times in 2010, these sorts of statistics become urban legends over time. “When large numbers of families are surveyed for such research, a certain proportion of fathers turn out not to have the gene that their purported child inherited, thus yielding the [non-paternity] figures of 1% to 3.7%.”
“Higher numbers, particularly the often-cited 10%, seem to come from more biased samples, or, more likely, simply turn out to be an urban legend, akin to cell phones being able to pop popcorn.”
Another reason for this bias is the boom of at-home DNA kits. Stories about people discovering their false paternity abound online, and without them, many cases of paternity fraud would probably remain secret. According to the Pew Research Center, it’s not just false paternity that stumps people with at-home DNA kits; 38% of Americans are usually surprised by what they find out through them.
Two weeks later, he came back with an update about the results of the paternity test
“No coming back from this,” the commenters concluded sadly
Other commenters shared similar stories, demonstrating that false paternity is more common than we might think
