A court of law is a serious place. We think of courtrooms as places that serve justice, where people act with composure and focus on logical decision-making. Yet sometimes, judges face cases and arguments so ridiculous that it can feel like a hidden camera is watching.
Plenty of ridiculous lawsuits have plagued the U.S. court system. For example, PETA tried to prove, albeit unsuccessfully, that a monkey can own a copyright to its own selfie. Michael Jordan and the Nike CEO have been sued by a self-proclaimed look-alike, citing damages for emotional pain and suffering.
Absurd reasoning is a staple in court hearings too, it seems, as many lawyers have shared plenty of funny stories when one netizen asked, “Lawyers of Reddit, what’s the most ridiculous argument you've heard in court?” From trying to justify running a red light because the sun was in their eyes to claiming responsibility simply because they drive a Prius, these folks really should’ve used a better defense in court, because theirs was pretty laughable.
#1
This never made it to court.
I asked my divorce lawyer what was the worst thing a client had asked him to argue. I was expecting a "I want the salad spinner!" sort of story.
He had a client, a professor in his 70s who was divorcing from his wife, also a professor in her 70s. They were both Jewish.
His wife had a tattoo on her arm. It was a number, put there by the N*zis when they put her in a c****entration camp in WW2 as a child. Husband was born in the US, was not German.
The German government was in the process of settling a case with the survivors. She had some amount of money, a six figure sum, due to her. The husband wanted his lawyer to argue that he should get half the settlement money.
Lawyer told him that there was a special circle in hell for lawyers who ask for stuff like that and that he was not planning on ending up there.
I asked my divorce lawyer what was the worst thing a client had asked him to argue. I was expecting a "I want the salad spinner!" sort of story.
He had a client, a professor in his 70s who was divorcing from his wife, also a professor in her 70s. They were both Jewish.
His wife had a tattoo on her arm. It was a number, put there by the N*zis when they put her in a c****entration camp in WW2 as a child. Husband was born in the US, was not German.
The German government was in the process of settling a case with the survivors. She had some amount of money, a six figure sum, due to her. The husband wanted his lawyer to argue that he should get half the settlement money.
Lawyer told him that there was a special circle in hell for lawyers who ask for stuff like that and that he was not planning on ending up there.
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40points
#2
I'm a lawyer. The most ridiculous argument I've seen was one I actually made!
One of my clients got busted cooking m**h. This was a *very* clear cut case, they actually caught him in the middle of a cook. No way he was getting out of this one. The DA loaded him up with felonies, there was no bail and he was being held in the county jail.
My client knew he was f****d. He had been planning to get married a few weeks after he got busted.
My client asks me if he can get released for 24 hours so he can still get married. I tell him that I'll ask, but that there's no way in f*****g hell they'll let him out.
First, I ask the DA if they will allow it. Nope. They laugh.
So I file a motion with the court. Now, I knew the judge was a crusty old conservative family values kind of guy. Who also has a raging e**ction for d**g crime. There was no law involved, but I put together an argument about the sanctity of marriage and how the state should encourage marriage at all times, and that sort of thing.
We have a hearing and I make the argument. The DA is totally opposed and calls it ridiculous.
And the judge grants it. The judge actually decided to allow my client out for 24 hours to get married. He had to surrender at the county jail at 8AM the next day and some other conditions, but, still, he was allowed out.
Everyone is stunned. Nobody can believe it.
The day of the wedding comes, my client gets out, gets married, then goes back to the jail. Everything went exactly like how it was supposed to, which is also pretty shocking.
One of my clients got busted cooking m**h. This was a *very* clear cut case, they actually caught him in the middle of a cook. No way he was getting out of this one. The DA loaded him up with felonies, there was no bail and he was being held in the county jail.
My client knew he was f****d. He had been planning to get married a few weeks after he got busted.
My client asks me if he can get released for 24 hours so he can still get married. I tell him that I'll ask, but that there's no way in f*****g hell they'll let him out.
First, I ask the DA if they will allow it. Nope. They laugh.
So I file a motion with the court. Now, I knew the judge was a crusty old conservative family values kind of guy. Who also has a raging e**ction for d**g crime. There was no law involved, but I put together an argument about the sanctity of marriage and how the state should encourage marriage at all times, and that sort of thing.
We have a hearing and I make the argument. The DA is totally opposed and calls it ridiculous.
And the judge grants it. The judge actually decided to allow my client out for 24 hours to get married. He had to surrender at the county jail at 8AM the next day and some other conditions, but, still, he was allowed out.
Everyone is stunned. Nobody can believe it.
The day of the wedding comes, my client gets out, gets married, then goes back to the jail. Everything went exactly like how it was supposed to, which is also pretty shocking.
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32points
#3
Made a left turn on a green turn arrow, a city bus ran a red and T-Boned me. My car was a little VW rabbit so it just scooted me and I was perfectly fine. Driver pulls over, comes out and says "the sun was in my eyes." I say "I'm not hurt, thanks for asking".
Police arrive, and guess what? There was a literal bus load full of witnesses. Every one had the same story... She ran a red.
City paid for my car, etc. She denied wrongdoing and went to court, which I had to attend along with a witness or two and the officer. Her defense? She had a migraine.
Judge: so I should let you off the hook because you had a bad headache and was driving into the sun?
Driver: Yes, your honor I'm glad you understand.
She got her commercial vehicle license revoked. Should have just taken the points.
Police arrive, and guess what? There was a literal bus load full of witnesses. Every one had the same story... She ran a red.
City paid for my car, etc. She denied wrongdoing and went to court, which I had to attend along with a witness or two and the officer. Her defense? She had a migraine.
Judge: so I should let you off the hook because you had a bad headache and was driving into the sun?
Driver: Yes, your honor I'm glad you understand.
She got her commercial vehicle license revoked. Should have just taken the points.
24points
#4
Hah I have a story for this one. I'm not a lawyer nor could I talk at the time. During a custody battle between my grandparents and my mom and dad who were a***cts. The judge asks why my parents should have custody:
"Well, we are his parents"
The judge says well you guys have substance a***e issues"
"No, we don't"
"So you're not using anything?"
"No, we're both clean"
"When is the last time you've used?"
"A few days ago and we're done now"
My grandparents won that day in court. This story has been told to me a few times by my grandfather.
"Well, we are his parents"
The judge says well you guys have substance a***e issues"
"No, we don't"
"So you're not using anything?"
"No, we're both clean"
"When is the last time you've used?"
"A few days ago and we're done now"
My grandparents won that day in court. This story has been told to me a few times by my grandfather.
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22points
#5
Laywer who is not practicing in court, but when I was in college doing my bachelor's degree, criminal law was part of the curriculum and this included spending a couple of days observing criminal trials. The things you witness.
Anyway; at the start of one of these trials a guy with the greasiest mullet enters the room. Thin, tall, disproportionately sized limbs, tattoos all over; I swear the way he sat before the judge, the only thing that was missing was a beer in his hand and a chicken under his arm. Now, this guy chose not to have a lawyer represent him, as he's a regular and spends short periods of time in jail or doing community service pretty much every month, anyway. Real problem case; d***s, alcoholism etc., but still he comes across as a really sympathetic dude and has a really entertaining way of telling a story while keeping a straight face and not realizing how funny he is.
He knows he's getting fined and a couple of hours of cutting weeds as community service to keep our Dutch streets nice and tidy, but tries to win the sympathies of the judge to decrease his sentence. This man's dog was sent to a dog shelter when they found it malnourished a couple of weeks before when they brought him in for dealing--real sad, but also the reason he's standing trial. The guy got high as a kite and drunk as an Irishman on St. Patrick's and while completely d*****d out of his mind decided to get his dog back from the shelter, because he really missed 'his girl'.
The judge asks him if it's correct that he broke the lock and some of the camera equipment on site of the dog shelter and he confirms. You could really tell from his passionate account of the progression of the evening that he did all this out of pure love as his dog according to him was the only thing that pulled him through all of his rough patches with his girlfriend and his d**g problem. So the judge orders camera footage to be shown to confirm that it is the suspect and he confirms. On it he is seen stumbling about and wrenching one of the dog enclosures open and hugging a German shepherd.
At this point everyone is touched by seeing this guy be so emotional on the camera footage with the dog, hugging it, petting it and playing with it and you can see the judge really get into it, as well. Anyway, so this guy continues with his story and tells about how he took the dog to his car and went home never feeling happier in his life and ends his account with the driest delivery of "needless to say I was f*****g surprised when I woke up the next day and there was a German Shepherd in my room instead of a Staffordshire terrier." Everyone just broke out in laughter. He didn't get what was funny. Turns out the dude stole the wrong dog. Judge sentenced him to 50 hours of community service and €3000 or so repairs for the broken doors and camera equipment.
TL:DR Guy tries to win sympathies of judge with passionate account of how he broke into a dog shelter and steal his dog back from animal services; steals the wrong dog.
Anyway; at the start of one of these trials a guy with the greasiest mullet enters the room. Thin, tall, disproportionately sized limbs, tattoos all over; I swear the way he sat before the judge, the only thing that was missing was a beer in his hand and a chicken under his arm. Now, this guy chose not to have a lawyer represent him, as he's a regular and spends short periods of time in jail or doing community service pretty much every month, anyway. Real problem case; d***s, alcoholism etc., but still he comes across as a really sympathetic dude and has a really entertaining way of telling a story while keeping a straight face and not realizing how funny he is.
He knows he's getting fined and a couple of hours of cutting weeds as community service to keep our Dutch streets nice and tidy, but tries to win the sympathies of the judge to decrease his sentence. This man's dog was sent to a dog shelter when they found it malnourished a couple of weeks before when they brought him in for dealing--real sad, but also the reason he's standing trial. The guy got high as a kite and drunk as an Irishman on St. Patrick's and while completely d*****d out of his mind decided to get his dog back from the shelter, because he really missed 'his girl'.
The judge asks him if it's correct that he broke the lock and some of the camera equipment on site of the dog shelter and he confirms. You could really tell from his passionate account of the progression of the evening that he did all this out of pure love as his dog according to him was the only thing that pulled him through all of his rough patches with his girlfriend and his d**g problem. So the judge orders camera footage to be shown to confirm that it is the suspect and he confirms. On it he is seen stumbling about and wrenching one of the dog enclosures open and hugging a German shepherd.
At this point everyone is touched by seeing this guy be so emotional on the camera footage with the dog, hugging it, petting it and playing with it and you can see the judge really get into it, as well. Anyway, so this guy continues with his story and tells about how he took the dog to his car and went home never feeling happier in his life and ends his account with the driest delivery of "needless to say I was f*****g surprised when I woke up the next day and there was a German Shepherd in my room instead of a Staffordshire terrier." Everyone just broke out in laughter. He didn't get what was funny. Turns out the dude stole the wrong dog. Judge sentenced him to 50 hours of community service and €3000 or so repairs for the broken doors and camera equipment.
TL:DR Guy tries to win sympathies of judge with passionate account of how he broke into a dog shelter and steal his dog back from animal services; steals the wrong dog.
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21points
#6
Not in court but a conversation in my office:
It doesn't matter if you were sober or not. You jumped out of a third story window with a beer bottle and threw it at a cop. The jury is going to think you were drunk. Also, I think you were drunk.
It doesn't matter if you were sober or not. You jumped out of a third story window with a beer bottle and threw it at a cop. The jury is going to think you were drunk. Also, I think you were drunk.
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18points
#7
Not an attorney, but my grandfather told me a story about how he was in to court in the early 1950s to defend himself for a traffic violation. The police officer used evidence against him that he had been "rampaging all around town for the past few months," but the cop was such a nice guy he had been letting him go. My grandfather's response was, "Judge, I'm not sure about how much rampaging I've been doing, but it wasn't in your city. I've been helping to rebuild Germany for the past 18 months. I just got back in town on Friday.".
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18points
#8
I am a lawyer. This was a petition, rather than an in-court appearance, when I was a *pro se* clerk. *Pro se* clerks handle petitions from prisoners.
This was a state case and the petitioner claimed that because our state awards good-time credits (for every 30 days you serve without problems you get 10 days off of your sentence) for all sentences, even sentences of life, he had accumulated X years of credit against his sentence. Further, according to the actuarial tables, he would be d**d in X years, therefore he was eligible for release.
So far this is a clever argument, even if it is bound to failure. What made it ridiculous was that he was not serving one life sentence but two consecutive life sentences plus 20 years. Therefore, under his own analysis, he needed to serve more than his own lifespan before becoming eligible for release.
As an added bonus, I dismissed his petition as lacking standing until he actually d***d and we could properly calculate his sentence.
This was a state case and the petitioner claimed that because our state awards good-time credits (for every 30 days you serve without problems you get 10 days off of your sentence) for all sentences, even sentences of life, he had accumulated X years of credit against his sentence. Further, according to the actuarial tables, he would be d**d in X years, therefore he was eligible for release.
So far this is a clever argument, even if it is bound to failure. What made it ridiculous was that he was not serving one life sentence but two consecutive life sentences plus 20 years. Therefore, under his own analysis, he needed to serve more than his own lifespan before becoming eligible for release.
As an added bonus, I dismissed his petition as lacking standing until he actually d***d and we could properly calculate his sentence.
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18points
#9
There is famous case before the Danish High Court where a woman was r***d by 8 bikers on a beach.
The defense argued that she had wanted it because she willingly put her self into a situation where she was alone with 8 men.
The female prosecutor then casually looked around, counted there was 11 men and she was the only female and asked "So you are saying I am asking for it now?"
The story says that was the only time all the judges have burst into laughter in any case.
Safe to say the defense argument didnt go over very well with the judges.
The defense argued that she had wanted it because she willingly put her self into a situation where she was alone with 8 men.
The female prosecutor then casually looked around, counted there was 11 men and she was the only female and asked "So you are saying I am asking for it now?"
The story says that was the only time all the judges have burst into laughter in any case.
Safe to say the defense argument didnt go over very well with the judges.
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17points
#10
Former assistant state attorney/prosecutor here.
This defendant is called up for arraignment and the judge is telling him that he's been charged with theft for stealing a roll of scratch off tickets from a gas station. The judge informs the defendant that since the value of the tickets was over $300 therefore it's a felony rather than a misdemeanor.
The defendant says to the judge "but your honor, to be fair the tickets were all losers" implying it's not theft at all.
I was amazed at the ingeniusness yet futility of the argument.
This defendant is called up for arraignment and the judge is telling him that he's been charged with theft for stealing a roll of scratch off tickets from a gas station. The judge informs the defendant that since the value of the tickets was over $300 therefore it's a felony rather than a misdemeanor.
The defendant says to the judge "but your honor, to be fair the tickets were all losers" implying it's not theft at all.
I was amazed at the ingeniusness yet futility of the argument.
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16points
#11
Ha! I'm a lawyer. I should win right there.
Anyway, we were in trial, and opposing counsel was objecting to a document I was trying to enter into evidence through one of their witnesses. The witness had identified it as one of their business records, but opposing counsel objects.
Jury is in the courtroom, so the Judge has us approach. We do, and opposing counsel argues the authenticity of the document. I was a little surprised. So my response was "Your Honor this is their exhibit. Is Counsel stating they submitted in-authentic documents to this Court?" Judge turns to counsel, "Are you submitting non-authentic documents?" Opposing counsel stammers out a no and the document goes in.
I was a little surprised they wanted to argue their own document wasn't authentic just to keep me from getting it to the jury.
Anyway, we were in trial, and opposing counsel was objecting to a document I was trying to enter into evidence through one of their witnesses. The witness had identified it as one of their business records, but opposing counsel objects.
Jury is in the courtroom, so the Judge has us approach. We do, and opposing counsel argues the authenticity of the document. I was a little surprised. So my response was "Your Honor this is their exhibit. Is Counsel stating they submitted in-authentic documents to this Court?" Judge turns to counsel, "Are you submitting non-authentic documents?" Opposing counsel stammers out a no and the document goes in.
I was a little surprised they wanted to argue their own document wasn't authentic just to keep me from getting it to the jury.
16points
#12
Longtime lurker, and maybe I'm only posting bc this happened like a week ago, but whatever. First time for everything :)
The criminal defense attorney representing a guy who st**bed his wife several times and then beat her with a frying pan and then st**bed her again tried to argue that it is an affirmative defense to attempted m****r if you take your victim to the hospital after. He claimed its impossible to attempt to m****r somebody if you "save her life" after.
He got benchslapped pretty hard (1) for the horrible legal argument and (2) for continuously saying this guy saved her life after he tried to k**l her.
The criminal defense attorney representing a guy who st**bed his wife several times and then beat her with a frying pan and then st**bed her again tried to argue that it is an affirmative defense to attempted m****r if you take your victim to the hospital after. He claimed its impossible to attempt to m****r somebody if you "save her life" after.
He got benchslapped pretty hard (1) for the horrible legal argument and (2) for continuously saying this guy saved her life after he tried to k**l her.
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15points
#13
Not a lawyer cause they don't exist. I got a ticket for expired parking meter. Went in and contested it. The guy says "the parking authority took some pictures for evidence, how do you explain these?" The pictures included my car, my license plate, and the parking meter which clearly showed 13 minutes left on it.
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13points
#14
As a corporate lawyer, the most ridiculous argument I come across almost monthly is as follows: fortune 500 company signs a garbage contract and is going to lose a lot of money due to the plain language of that contract; fortune 500 company argues unconscionability -- specifically that said company was not sophisticated enough to read the contract and no reasonable person would ever agree to the term or terms in dispute.
In sum, multi-billion dollar firms claiming they're incapable of reading contracts.
In sum, multi-billion dollar firms claiming they're incapable of reading contracts.
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13points
#15
I have a brief encounter (personal injury prospect):
Old lady slipped & fell on an icy driveway which was not salted or maintained, so she wanted to sue for damages.
After hearing the story, turns out the lady fell on her own driveway which she did not salt / maintain. She was wanting to sue herself.
Old lady slipped & fell on an icy driveway which was not salted or maintained, so she wanted to sue for damages.
After hearing the story, turns out the lady fell on her own driveway which she did not salt / maintain. She was wanting to sue herself.
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12points
#16
Longtime lurker but I couldn't resist this one. Not a lawyer, but I was called as a witness to testify for the State regarding an accident that I was involved in.
I was hit from behind by a large construction dump truck while sitting at a red light behind another vehicle. It was a four lane roadway that merged into two after the light and I was in the right lane heading north. The light turned green and I hadn't moved yet because I felt the vehicle tap mine. Next thing I know I'm moving forward and I begin to panic that something's wrong with my car.
Well, apparently the driver of the dump truck didn't realize he'd hit me and pushed me straight through the intersection and my car ended up doing a 180 and I was facing south heading towards a very deep ditch. I was blaring my horn and hitting my brakes and trying to avoid going in the ditch because my son was not even 1-month old at the time and in the backseat along with my dog. I manage to pull the parking brake and we slide to a stop just at the edge of the road before the ditch.
Husband turns and asks "Do I need to call 911?". I tell him no because I see the dump truck pull over to the side a bit north of me and I figure he'll come out to exchange insurance. Lo and behold, the driver took off after about 15 seconds of sitting there! I was stunned but immediately told hubby to then call 911, that we'd be in a hit a run.
Sheriff comes, people from the company that hit us come, witnesses who saw the whole thing tell the sheriff what happened and company apologizes, they start looking for the driver through the GPS on the vehicle. Company ended up paying 2 grand in damage to my car and paid for a brand new car seat. Pictures were taken by all parties as well of the damage present to my car.
So imagine my surprise when I got subpoenaed to appear in court to testify against this guy. I can't believe the nerve of this a*****e that hit me, ran, and had the balls to testify not guilty to the charge.
The day comes and I show up in court. Give my testimony, witness gives hers, sheriff gives his. A bit of banter back and forth about a surveillance video from a gas station that the driver obtained but his d*****t lawyer didn't bother to enter into evidence before the trial. Judge won't allow her to show video because State hasn't had time to review it. We finally get to hear the drivers testimony and he gave the best excuse that could be summed up like this: "I didn't see her car as I was pulling up to the light. I was giving enough distance to stop to the car in front of her but I didn't see her. I didn't hear the horn blaring because I was in a diesel vehicle and didn't realize that I'd hit her or that I was even involved in an accident and that's why I didn't stop. I'd been having break issues and thought it was just my brakes acting up."
He apparently thought he could win his case by testifying that because he didn't see me and didn't realize he was in an accident, he shouldn't be charged with the accident and failure to remain at the scene of the accident. Sorry, a*****e, ignorance of events doesn't make you any less liable in the eyes of the law. Judge pronounced him guilty and the guy rolled his eyes like he couldn't believe it. I'm still waiting to find out if he tries to appeal it.
I was hit from behind by a large construction dump truck while sitting at a red light behind another vehicle. It was a four lane roadway that merged into two after the light and I was in the right lane heading north. The light turned green and I hadn't moved yet because I felt the vehicle tap mine. Next thing I know I'm moving forward and I begin to panic that something's wrong with my car.
Well, apparently the driver of the dump truck didn't realize he'd hit me and pushed me straight through the intersection and my car ended up doing a 180 and I was facing south heading towards a very deep ditch. I was blaring my horn and hitting my brakes and trying to avoid going in the ditch because my son was not even 1-month old at the time and in the backseat along with my dog. I manage to pull the parking brake and we slide to a stop just at the edge of the road before the ditch.
Husband turns and asks "Do I need to call 911?". I tell him no because I see the dump truck pull over to the side a bit north of me and I figure he'll come out to exchange insurance. Lo and behold, the driver took off after about 15 seconds of sitting there! I was stunned but immediately told hubby to then call 911, that we'd be in a hit a run.
Sheriff comes, people from the company that hit us come, witnesses who saw the whole thing tell the sheriff what happened and company apologizes, they start looking for the driver through the GPS on the vehicle. Company ended up paying 2 grand in damage to my car and paid for a brand new car seat. Pictures were taken by all parties as well of the damage present to my car.
So imagine my surprise when I got subpoenaed to appear in court to testify against this guy. I can't believe the nerve of this a*****e that hit me, ran, and had the balls to testify not guilty to the charge.
The day comes and I show up in court. Give my testimony, witness gives hers, sheriff gives his. A bit of banter back and forth about a surveillance video from a gas station that the driver obtained but his d*****t lawyer didn't bother to enter into evidence before the trial. Judge won't allow her to show video because State hasn't had time to review it. We finally get to hear the drivers testimony and he gave the best excuse that could be summed up like this: "I didn't see her car as I was pulling up to the light. I was giving enough distance to stop to the car in front of her but I didn't see her. I didn't hear the horn blaring because I was in a diesel vehicle and didn't realize that I'd hit her or that I was even involved in an accident and that's why I didn't stop. I'd been having break issues and thought it was just my brakes acting up."
He apparently thought he could win his case by testifying that because he didn't see me and didn't realize he was in an accident, he shouldn't be charged with the accident and failure to remain at the scene of the accident. Sorry, a*****e, ignorance of events doesn't make you any less liable in the eyes of the law. Judge pronounced him guilty and the guy rolled his eyes like he couldn't believe it. I'm still waiting to find out if he tries to appeal it.
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12points
#17
This came in a deposition, but it's still one of my funniest stories from this old job.
I worked part-time as a paralegal when I was in college. We had this massive case with a lot of people involved that had spun out into a bunch of little side cases. In one of those side cases, this guy was claiming our client had left him threatening voicemails related to the main case, and him and his wife sued for loss of consortium. Loss of consortium, and I swear to you this is a real thing, basically means something happened that is stopping a married couple from having s*x, and they want to sue you over it. The guy was claiming that he was so scared from these voicemails that he couldn't sleep with his wife anymore.
Deposition time rolls around, and I'm sitting in the other room, but it's a small office and I can hear everything. My boss starts asking the wife how we're supposed to know that it was our client's fault they stopped having s*x. Maybe she's just not as attracted to him anymore. Maybe he's not attracted to her. Maybe they didn't have that much of a s*x life to begin with, etc. So this woman starts yelling "I love s*x!" and banging her fists on the table. Her lawyers try to calm her down and tell her to stop talking, but she keeps on shouting "I love s*x! We used to have s*x 2, 3 times a day! We'd be thrown out of hotels because of the noise we'd make!" And to the protestation of everyone in the room, her counsel and ours, she proceeded to describe their s****l history in graphic detail, all of which was recorded in the deposition and filed with the court.
I worked part-time as a paralegal when I was in college. We had this massive case with a lot of people involved that had spun out into a bunch of little side cases. In one of those side cases, this guy was claiming our client had left him threatening voicemails related to the main case, and him and his wife sued for loss of consortium. Loss of consortium, and I swear to you this is a real thing, basically means something happened that is stopping a married couple from having s*x, and they want to sue you over it. The guy was claiming that he was so scared from these voicemails that he couldn't sleep with his wife anymore.
Deposition time rolls around, and I'm sitting in the other room, but it's a small office and I can hear everything. My boss starts asking the wife how we're supposed to know that it was our client's fault they stopped having s*x. Maybe she's just not as attracted to him anymore. Maybe he's not attracted to her. Maybe they didn't have that much of a s*x life to begin with, etc. So this woman starts yelling "I love s*x!" and banging her fists on the table. Her lawyers try to calm her down and tell her to stop talking, but she keeps on shouting "I love s*x! We used to have s*x 2, 3 times a day! We'd be thrown out of hotels because of the noise we'd make!" And to the protestation of everyone in the room, her counsel and ours, she proceeded to describe their s****l history in graphic detail, all of which was recorded in the deposition and filed with the court.
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12points
#18
I am a lawyer. The state tried to argue that probable cause exists simply because there is a police report alleging the crime. "From the fact that a police officer filed this report it is a reasonable inference that the crime took place as described."
Good, allegations are self-proving now. Well, wrap up court then, I guess no need to hear any more motions to dismiss ever. I wonder why no other prosecutor in 240 years of jurisprudence ever thought of that before, 25 year old assistant district attorney who went to the worst law school in this state.
Good, allegations are self-proving now. Well, wrap up court then, I guess no need to hear any more motions to dismiss ever. I wonder why no other prosecutor in 240 years of jurisprudence ever thought of that before, 25 year old assistant district attorney who went to the worst law school in this state.
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11points
#19
Oh geez where do I start. I mean I could tell plenty of these about my own clients but I like this one:
A lady has an injury/Comp case. It's for her upper back and of course complex regional pain syndrome.
She decides she needs the insurance company to pay for a special mattress for her. Like a $6000 memory foam, with heat and massage and a thousand other features. And not just a twin, she needs a California King because of course her layabout unemployed boyfriend needs to sleep there too.
We spend months litigating this d**n thing. Finally, she buys it herself and my client agrees to give her $1500 just to be done with it. The judge takes myself and opposing counsel aside and says he's gonna m********k us if we ever say the word mattress in his court again after wasting all this time. It was that ridiculous.
Not three months go by and the case comes on for another hearing. After exhausting all the chiropractic care allowed under the law, her doctor was seeking a variance to get some additional chiropractic.
We get to court and I'm arguing it should be denied, etc. Judge turns to her and says, "ma'am, why do you feel you need more chiropractic care?"
She pauses for a minute then says, "I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping on my mattress."
I think I saw smoke coming out of his ears.
A lady has an injury/Comp case. It's for her upper back and of course complex regional pain syndrome.
She decides she needs the insurance company to pay for a special mattress for her. Like a $6000 memory foam, with heat and massage and a thousand other features. And not just a twin, she needs a California King because of course her layabout unemployed boyfriend needs to sleep there too.
We spend months litigating this d**n thing. Finally, she buys it herself and my client agrees to give her $1500 just to be done with it. The judge takes myself and opposing counsel aside and says he's gonna m********k us if we ever say the word mattress in his court again after wasting all this time. It was that ridiculous.
Not three months go by and the case comes on for another hearing. After exhausting all the chiropractic care allowed under the law, her doctor was seeking a variance to get some additional chiropractic.
We get to court and I'm arguing it should be denied, etc. Judge turns to her and says, "ma'am, why do you feel you need more chiropractic care?"
She pauses for a minute then says, "I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping on my mattress."
I think I saw smoke coming out of his ears.
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11points
#20
I was a juror, but this was a hell of a defense.
Defendant ran through a red light and crossed against traffic in front of an officer. She was over twice the limit.
It wasn't her fault. She had a cut on her arm that her dog licked. The yeast from the dogs saliva entered her blood stream and converted her blood sugar into alcohol.
Defendant ran through a red light and crossed against traffic in front of an officer. She was over twice the limit.
It wasn't her fault. She had a cut on her arm that her dog licked. The yeast from the dogs saliva entered her blood stream and converted her blood sugar into alcohol.
gn0xious, https://www.magnific.com/premium-photo/city-crossing-with-semaphore-blurred-background-with-cars-evening-streets-red-light_120277313.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=10&uuid=0e347aa1-aca2-4d74-948e-3f42d2f2a7ca&track=ais_hybrid&query=red+light+traffic+car
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