#1
People are in charge of their own feelings. It is not your job to appease others so that they can emotionally regulate themselves.
#2
Stop. It.
You don't end up feeling any better. You just have to buy the whatever-you-broke twice. And if your reason is "well it's better than hitting someone" it still isn't better than talking like a growna*s adult who can manage their feelings. You are terrifying the people around you because you are smashing them in effigy. Stop. It.
What a person believes to be normal often stems from their surroundings. If they see family and friends frequently doing or saying something, they are likely to see it as ordinary and shape their behavior accordingly.
Psychologist Albert Bandura is credited with the broader theory of how people learn behaviors from their surroundings. He first outlined it in a 1963 paper and fully explained it in the 1977 book Social Learning Theory. This theory remains in use and explains behavior today, often alongside other frameworks.
According to Bandura, beyond learning from their own experiences, people also observe and learn from others. When they see someone succeed by taking certain actions, they are likely to copy that behavior in pursuit of success as well. Conversely, if people see someone punished for an action, they are more likely to avoid that behavior.
#3
#4
You shouldn’t have to suffer through mental illness even if you technically can. You deserve to be happy and therapists and psychiatrists are there to help you learn how to help yourself. It’s not a weakness to find someone who can assist you in figuring out coping skills or prescribe you medications to help fine tune your brain’s neurotransmitters.
Edit: Wow, thank you for the platinum kind stranger! I didn’t expect this to blow up but I’m glad it seemed to have helped a few people. And for the purpose of clarity, the lack of financial means is a huge barrier to getting care and we really need to address it on both a local and global level.
#5
The parents that tell their children that they are going to 'go and speed my car into a tree purposely', 'k**l myself while you are at school', or 'slit my wrist when I shower tonight'.
And, parents that feel they need their children 'fixed' as it's the child and not the family unit as the whole that needs support and/or assistance.
Just a few recent ones I've heard.
Edit: sorry about format - commenting via mobile phone.
Edit: thanks for the gold! My first one :)
Edit: in regards to financial comments (taken from a previous comment of mine as I've been getting asked to answer this). I'm talking more on the extreme side and towards children that have been extremely hurt and 'money talk' was used as a tool to make the child feel at fault and guilt to some degree.
I'm currently working with a child now that is triggered whenever he hears talk about finances and feels it's his fault they will eventually become homeless. They won't, but this is what he is told. If only he didn't eat so much, if only he didn't have so many school fee's. Not to mention the arguing between carers over finances - this must be his fault to though, they're yelling and shouting because of this.
Social learning happens through four distinct cognitive processes. First, the learner notices someone else’s behavior. Someone the learner sees as a role model will often command more attention. Then the learner remembers the behavior. Next, the learner evaluates whether they can replicate the behavior based on their skills and abilities. Finally, the learner may feel motivated to apply the behavior in their own life depending on whether the role model is rewarded or punished for it.
These processes apply easily to a wide range of learning experiences. For example, a beginner sees someone with their desired physique doing an exercise at the gym. They take a mental note of the proper form and technique. They assess their abilities and experience to adapt the exercise to their skill level. They replicate it and feel motivated to keep using it in their gym routine to achieve the physique, strength, or stamina they are aiming for.
#6
#7
Turns out I have OCD 🤷🏼♀️.
#8
Misconceptions about what is normal can also stem from information bubbles. Psychotherapist Amir Levine, Ph.D., explains that people are more likely to tune into channels, podcasts, and news feeds that reflect their own beliefs. This creates echo chambers that skew their sense of what is normal because the opinions they already hold seem more common.
Levine says this reinforcement of one’s beliefs can lead to various problems. First, it can make an individual more susceptible to misinformation. If they see sources they agree with as more trustworthy, it becomes easy to sell them something that isn’t entirely true, distorting their view of reality.
#9
If your toddler is doing socially unusual behaviors such as:
Not responding to name
Not responding to a social smile
Not pointing/ using gestures
Using your hands/arms as if they were a tool or extension of their body
Engaging in repetitive behaviors
Not responding to your use of gaze to direct their attention to distal objects
Check with the pediatrician about getting assessed for autism spectrum disorder.
#10
Everyone gets angry. That is totally normal. But we shouldn’t find ourselves escalating so easily and responding in ways we later regret.
#11
If you think you would benefit from psychological help, at least do yourself the favor of giving it a try, in whatever form it may be.
**GETTING HELP IS NORMAL**.
Information bubbles have negative impacts on mental health too, the psychotherapist explains. Overexposure to one media source can cause an increase in anxiety and cognitive dissonance. Fear-inducing content in a person’s information bubble is more likely to lead to a paranoid, non-objective view of the world.
A narrow perspective can isolate individuals and lower self-esteem, causing more tense arguments with friends and family and feelings of loneliness. This can lead people to seek more confirmation in their media sources, creating a negative feedback loop.
The best ways to counteract the information bubble effect are to diversify media sources, be more curious, less judgmental, and open to dialogue. Engaging with varied viewpoints and opinions builds a more objective, open-minded view of the world. This helps align what people perceive as normal with reality.
#12
I'm not a psychologist but this makes the most sense to me. I've never seen so many people feel so lost in my life before and this only has happened in the last 5-6 years as social media sites like FB and Instagram blew up in popularity.
Tell me I'm wrong because I seriously think this is one of the biggest reasons.
#13
We truly do NOT have a great understanding about what a physiologically normal postpartum mental health experience is versus a pathological one, except on the extreme end (so, if you are having thoughts of harming yourself or others, including your baby, that is a pathological postpartum experience).
I've met with women who went told they had PPD because they were looking forward to going back to work, or were suggested to take medication because they reported feeling "overwhelmed"; I've also had women who were told it was normal to feel unmotivated, detached from the world, or isolated for months after giving birth because that was "just adjusting to motherhood." Perceptions of normal/not normal postpartum wellbeing vary wildly and this makes promoting postpartum wellbeing really difficult.
So my advice is this:
Some about of distress probably is normal (it's a huge life change, a huge physical toll, and a huge shift in hormones), but if that distress is DISTRESSING to you, there are likely many, many different strategies for helping alleviate it, including medication when indicated.
I would also say that postpartum anxiety is something that I actually tend to see are more commonly normalized/not diagnosed; chronic, persistent, debilitating worry about your infant is not normal, but frankly we have socialized it to be an indicator of "good" mothering, even if it decreases overall quality of life.
#14
I won't speak to what's "normal," but it is definitely not ideal to:
* Polish off a bottle of wine or a 6 pack every few days (to relax/unwind/deal with stress)
* Need a drink or nightcap in the evenings (can't fall asleep without it)
* Binge drink most weekends (even if you don't drink during the week)
Lots of people don't think twice about these types of drinking habits, especially if they have not suffered any huge negative consequences as a result. But I've noticed that drinking patterns like I've described very often contribute to poor outcomes in people's relationships, careers, and overall well-being.
Neuropsychologist Sam Goldstein, Ph.D., says there’s a huge misconception of what normal even is. Many people think a “normal” person is physically healthy, sociable, emotionally stable, and productive. Someone ideal. However, that is a deviation from what normal people actually are. Normal people are not perfect.
#15
#16
But if it's starting to take over your life and is shaping your days, it's worth getting help.
Orthorexia is a term that describes the obsessive pursuit of a healthy diet, and is very much fuelled by the "wellness" industry. It's increasingly being viewed as a form of eating disorder.
Some examples of behaviour that suggest orthorexia are: cutting out more and more food groups in an effort to be healthy; talking obsessively about "bad" or "impure" food; feeling very guilty and ashamed about eating "bad" food and potentially purging (making yourself sick) as a result or restricting further to "make up for it", fasting if "good" food isn't available rather than eating "bad" food, etc. People who have symptoms of orthorexia may also exercise excessively, sometimes past the point of exhaustion or injury.
I want to clarify that I am not saying people shouldn't aim to eat healthily or do exercise. Instead, this is more of a heads up that eating healthily should not be a defining part of your day/life. Moderation is important! And if it is medically recommended that you cut certain things from your diet, please do work with your doctor/medical professionals to ensure you do this in a way that is safe.
Source: I'm a trainee clinical psychologist, this stuff was a big part of our teaching on eating disorders and is a personal interest too.
#17
Guess what my first name is. Courtney. They ended up moving me to another part of the hospital after that because he was quite interested. Can confirm: I am definitely not God. Way too much responsibility.
Being outside of what is considered normal isn’t something to be afraid of. It’s just a sign that someone may feel, think, or behave in ways that are different from what most people expect in a certain scenario. It is defined by a large group of people, each with different opinions, feelings, behaviors, and expectations. At the end of the day, no individual is truly normal, and they should not strive to be. People tend to be happier when they learn to accept themselves and others as they are, instead of looking for norms or ideals to compare to.
#18
#19
Coping with feelings of insecurity and anxiety by lashing out at your partner. Eg asking a bunch of questions about one of their acquaintances instead of saying "I feel insecure for these reasons, please talk through it with me"
Been a couples therapist for 10 years, now clinical director of a private practice. So many more but those are two of the most prevalent in couples work.
#20
Or prolonged unmotivation. Not wanting to do things.