I asked my doctor, who had just performed brain surgery on me, how he got inside my head. He literally giggled, rubbed his hands together and said, “Power tools.”.

Dr: Are you related to Dr _____ that works here?

Me: Yes, he’s my uncle

Dr: Do you like him?

Me: No he’s an absolute d**k

Dr: opens door rushes down hallway and I can overhear him say “told you! Even his own family hates him” to the other docs in the office.

I still remember a story told by one of my Aunts when I was a kid. Her lunch kept disappearing from the refrigerator at work. She made a nice looking sandwich with good bread, lettuce, tomato etc, and a good layer of canned dog food in the middle of all that. Found the thief when they started barfing mid-sandwich. You don't mess with Aunt Shirley, or her lunch.