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There comes a point in life when we look back and wonder how things could have been had we made different decisions when we were younger. Maybe we remember the one that got away, the job we didn't take, or the emigration opportunity that we let pass us by. Perhaps we wish things were different. Or, if we're lucky, we're perfectly happy and content.
People that might have been grandparents today are speaking out about never having kids. One thanked their "barren womb"; another lamented the single biggest regret of their life. They were responding to someone asking, "Elderly folks who chose not to have children, how do you feel about that decision now?"
Bored Panda has put together the best of more than 1,000 responses that came pouring in. Some might have you reconsidering your own life choices.
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#1
I'm 64 years old and never wanted kids. Still don't. No regrets at all. Yes, I will be alone as I go into old age with nobody to look after me but if that's a reason to have kids then that is kind of messed up tbh. It just means I look after myself better anyway.
InvertebrateInterest:
I know 3 couples with children who need lifelong care. Their child will not be taking care of them in old age. I also know a lady whose adult kids all have severe mental illness. I know some people from high school who passed in their 20s. I also know some people who were completely estranged from their parents.
Having kids just so that they can take care of you later is selfish and short sighted.
There was once a time when getting married and having children was considered the main goal of life. People, especially women, were frowned upon if they didn't achieve this by their thirties. But things have changed. More and more adults are choosing to remain childfree, even if they do get married.
Some make the decision because they value personal freedom, travel, or career growth over dirty diapers, sleepless nights, and exorbitant school fees. When the Pew Research Center asked almost 2,000 childfree adults why they made the decision, the majority said they “just didn’t want” children.
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#2
67f and no regrets. I got unexpected texts for Mother’s Day from my two “honorary kids”. Both are in their early 40s and we adopted each other because they each told me I was a better mom to them than the one they were born to. Made my day for sure!
NAparentheses:
Stealing someone else's kids because they're a bad parent is a flex. lol
#3
55 and zero regrets. I dote on my nieces and have energy to give to causes I support, like being a CASA (court appointed special advocate) for foster children.
So, not exactly ‘elderly’ but I was always warned about my ‘biological clock’. Well, my clock must be broken because I never really felt the need to have kids.
Puzzleheaded-Tap9544:
Foster kid here, thanks for being our voice in a broken system
headface1701:
I'm 53 and must confess I did feel the "clock" for about 2 days in my late 40s. Got another cat, all good.
Verity Stewart 2 hours ago
I'm a foster kid and my biological mother should never have kids. My foster mum is who I call mum and im happy I have her
In 2025, the U.S. fertility rate dropped to a historic low. According to data released by the Centers for Disease Control, there were 53.1 births per 1,000 women aged 15 to 44. It marked a 1% decline from the previous year, continuing a two-decade downward trend. Total births in the country are down nearly 23% since 2007.
Phillip Levine, an economics professor at Wellesley College, says “greater and more demanding job market opportunities, expanded leisure options, [and] increased intensity of parenting” are making “the option to have children less desirable.”
#4
My BFF is 82 and is very glad she held firm against everyone telling her why she should have kids. She was just never interested. And she’s had a perfectly marvelous life, thanks.
Glen Ellyn 7 hours ago
Nobody should tell anyone why they should have kids. It's none of their dang business!
#5
I’m 66 and knew in my twenties that I did not want kids, and I am still very happy with that decision.
#6
I'm an over 60 female, who said I did not want children at 16 and I have never regretted that decision. I am looking forward to a peaceful retirement.
For some childfree adults, it's all about the money, honey. Experts from the Economic Policy Institute put the average cost of childcare in the state of California at nearly $22,000 per year. As Al Jazeera reported, it would take a minimum-wage worker 33 weeks to earn enough for childcare costs alone.
In states with a lower cost of living, like Alabama, it would take a minimum-wage worker 33 weeks to earn enough for childcare costs alone, which amount to around $8,000.
#7
My aunt is approaching 80. She never regretted it. She had a few tragedies occur during her childbearing years and she always says she was glad that she didn't have to put kids through that. She was also very proud of her career as a nurse. She was the first in her family to go to college and eventually went on to get her Master's. I think she was always sort of glad that there was nothing to divide her attention from that.
#8
I’m 45 and I have no regrets.
The most important thing to me is people who do not want to have kids should not have them for the sake of their theoretical kids, not themselves.
Unwanted kids have a really hard life, why inflict that on someone?
The Pew Research Center polled thousands of American adults. Half the group was age 50 and older, and didn’t have children. The other half were younger than 50, didn’t have children, and said they were unlikely to have kids in the future.
When asked why they didn't have children, the top response for those aged 50 or older was that it just didn’t happen. "Meanwhile, those in the younger group are most likely to say they just don’t want to have kids," reveals the Pew Research Center report. "Women younger than 50 are especially likely to say they just don’t want to have children (64% vs. 50% of men in this group)."
#10
I see many elderly patients who are fine with it. The only problem is when they have a stroke or dementia- if they dont have a mpoa. GET A MPOA. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SAINTED. BECAUSE YOUR GREAT NEICE OR 3rd COUSIN WILL REVOKE YOUR DNR. Anyways.. that's my public service announcement. Thanks.
#11
In my 20s I knew the childhood I had survived left me ill equipped to be a father.
At 60 and knowing what I know now about generational trauma, I'm glad I didn't pass it on to anyone else.
#12
I know three (60s+) people who feel regret. Others who don't. I think it depends upon *why* they didn't have kids.
The ones who regret not having them wanted them but for other reasons (partner didn't want them, couldn't have kids, and work got in the way) they didn't have them. For those who have no regrets, it was a clear choice they made on their own, not because of anyone or anything else.
Lost-Concept-9973:
Pretty much what I have observed too. Childfree (a proactive choice not to have kids) vs childless (wanted them but for whatever reason it never happened) is an important distinction when it comes to probability of regret.
Chance_Ad3416:
I know a woman who's around 45yo right now and has been trying (with fertility clinics to overcome fertility issues) for over 10 years at this point. Saw her at the end of 2024 she talked about finalizing the last legal steps of getting someone else's fertilized egg for her to carry and have the child herself. She was so excited and said it would be finalized in a month and she'd finally be a mother. Saw her again last year, she was not pregnant and didn't mention anything about that anymore. I can't imagine what she's going through and how she will feel about kids when she gets older. :( she's so good with my baby and such a lovely person.
Edit: I don't know whether they are trying to adopt or not and don't have the type of relationship to ask that type of questions. I don't know anything about adoption but some commenters mentioned adoption can be very difficult as well especially for older couples.
FreeTheUnicorn 21 minutes ago
If she's not pursued adopting, she's not actually trying to have kids and be a parent, she's just trying to spread her DNA
38% of those in the older group said there was a time when they wanted to have children, while 32% revealed they never wanted children. A quarter weren’t sure one way or the other. "Few say they frequently felt pressure to have children from family, friends or society in general," adds the report.
The majority of both the younger and older survey participants agreed that not having kids has made it easier for them to afford the things they want, have time for hobbies and interests, and save for the future.
"In the younger group, about six-in-ten also say not having kids has made it easier for them to be successful in their job or career and to have an active social life," the Pew report notes.
#13
72F -- just as fine with it as ever. I have (and have had) peace and harmony in my house, no drama unless I make my own.
Barnrat1719:
Right there with you. My house is an absolute safe haven, free of all drama and strife. I love being single and childfree!
#15
From the other side of the fence, I was soooo undecided for a long time but did eventually have children. It is NOT for the weak. It’s fulfilling and intense but not easy and there are no breaks, ever. I could see myself having been happy having no kids. I don’t think anyone who’s not fully on board should ever. I very much respect anyone who recognizes it’s not for them. I lucked out and my kids are sweet and smart and talented, but hoo boy are they a lot.
A life without children isn't one without worries. When the Pew Research Center asked the childfree adults age 50 and older what concerns they may have as they age, the top response was "having enough money."
35% said this bothers them "extremely or very often." 26% said they're worried whether they'll have someone who will provide care for them, and 19% voiced concerns about being lonely.
#16
63 and zero regrets. I knew by the time I was in my early teens that I wanted other things from my life, and while my mother was heartbroken when I let it slip in conversation in my late 30s that I'd had a tubal ligation, it was unquestionably the right decision for me.
I place a premium on peace and quiet when I'm not working or otherwise engaged, and the fact that I'm typing this up at 2 am with my 16 year old cat on my lap, after deciding to watch night 2 of the May sumo Basho over Caesar salad and yogurt, is a simple pleasure that it would be difficult to navigate if I had other human entanglements.
I enjoy my young adult students, served as a Girl Scouting troop leader for years, and enjoy meeting children where they are, but never had any interest in having any of my own. After I'm gone, my books and other effects will find new homes, but I'm not concerned with a biological or other 'legacy.'
#17
52 and SO GLAD I never had kids. Many friends (women) my age with kids are envious of me being able to live without having to think about the offspring's needs first. I also don't live with my partner of 11 years and my life is nothing less than glorious between the two decisions.
Strained_Noodles4033:
They still need to put their kids needs first at 52? Shouldn’t they be getting their life back now their kids are older and moved out?
mugsymegasaurus:
That's not a given. My mom had her last kid at 42. Having kids in your 40s is becoming more and more common these days. Plenty of people in their 50s might have kids that are still in elementary-high school.
#19
“At 30: ‘You’ll regret not having kids.’
At 60: sleeping peacefully in a paid-off house while my friends are raising their grandchildren because their kids disappeared.”.
Kirsten Kerkhof 2 hours ago
Spoil your kids and you'll raise your grandkids. Raise your kids and you'll get to spoil your grandkids.
#20
I have friends with children who are a beautiful blessing, friends who have children who are a waste of air, and friends who have had children with illnesses that completely sidetracked their parents’ life. Even if you do a good job parenting, there are no guarantees. So even though I may pass away alone, I’m okay with never having children.
opheliasdinosaur:
And having kids is no guarantee you wouldn't be alone at the end. The best indicator for not being alone at the end is friends, specifically younger friends
Anon03282015:
I have an aunt/uncle who never had kids who moved to a retirement community and now have a very active social life and a large group of friends. My husband and I also don't have kids and we plan to do the same.
#21
I’m 57F and I do regret not having children. I didn’t bc I had a less than good mother and I didn’t want to risk treating a child poorly. In retrospect, that wasn’t a good plan. I would have known how not to parent. I see now it was a mistake on my part. It’s such an individual choice but an important one.
crispycat40:
I’m 41 and had no blueprints on how to be a good mother. No village to fall back on.
I went to therapy in my 20s to ensure I didn’t become my dad but I hadn’t reckoned on not being my mum either.
I went non-contact with them both.
So I get your point.
I did have children, and I fret the entire time that I’m going extreme the other direction to counter balance my parents.
#22
68M here. I won't say there is never a twinge of regret for not having children, but that is far outweighed by the happiness my wife and I feel for not having them.
It's ironic that this question is posted today, because Mother's Day and Father's Day are probably the two worst days for us. But it's not because we sit around missing the children we never had -- it's because our friends are mostly busy so it's generally a non-day for us.
#23
Not exactly elderly (50's) and didn't exactly choose. (ex keep stalling on trying for children)
Not having had children is the single biggest regret of my life, and I regret the choices I made back then every single day.
TheRantingSailor:
I'm 36 and still debating on whether I want kids or not. I worry that I will regret not having kids but I remain highly ambivalent in the present. I love kids and the idea of a family, but I am vary of not being able to compromise on my needs (I am already a person with little energy to spare, I struggle to get by with my current job and everything else). Also really not fond of babies at all and all my dreams where I become a mom are stressful nightmares. So it's impossible for me to take a decision now :(
#24
I'm in my 70s and never had kids. At one point I wanted to and found out I couldn't without surgical intervention. At that time my husband and I were considering divorce and the doctor refused to help me because of that. That's the way it was back then. I think if I had wanted children bad enough, I would have found a way. Still, when I see people holding their own little babies, I wonder what it is like. It looks so special.
#25
50, it wasn't by intention. But darn! I've avoided so much drama. I have more time and space to meet my own needs. I wanted kids, did IVF, had miscarriages, etc. But I am thrilled with my life and my ability to make sure I have proper focus on myself and my interests. I'm very happy with the way things turned out.
#26
I'm 55. Husband is 59. We have no regrets about not having children. In fact, we very often say 'thank goodness we never had children'. We, instead, have adopted elderly dogs from animal rescues over the years knowing we will only have them for a short while but giving them the best end of their life possible.
Spencers slave no more 6 hours ago
I have a former boss who does this too. Never wanted to be a parent, loves their nieces and nephews, but dogs are their kids. They're happy.
#28
I work in elder care and I don’t know that they verbalize it, but I know the family members (brother, sister, niece and nephews) tend to resentful that they are “stuck” carrying the load.
#33
My sole regret about not having kids is that my parents would have absolutely be the best at grandparenting, and I took that from them.
#37
I co-parented someone else's kid. Was great! Wasn't planning on it but at least i got to pick mine out instead of the grab bag special.
#39
50M here, and I wish almost daily that I could go back in time and get the professional help that I needed, instead of relying on prayer to change things in my life.
Then I think that if I could go back in time and change things, would I warn my father that his vasectomy was about to fail??
#40
55 and have never regretted it. I travel internationally as much as possible as my passion. I love my alone time and sleeping late and quiet. I would not have had the patience for it, and I’m glad I had the self awareness early on.
#41
Not elderly, 53. But old enough that it's off the table.
No regrets! I absolutely made the right choice and never questioned it for a minute. I love my quiet, clean life with money.
#43
I'm in my mid-60s, retired, married, and we've never been happier. We have no regrets about our decision to not have children.
#44
So happy to see all these older women not wanting children and standing on their Boundaries.🥹.
#46
So happy that I didn’t have any so I’ll never have all the guilt I know I would feel for being a poor parent.
#47
Fine. 79 years old and I thank myself for the right decision for me. My husband has a son who has little to no contact with him. We travel and have no financial problems.
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