BIZARRE: Falling out of love signs | Mind Blowing Facts

To learn more about what it's like to fall out of love, we got in touch with Naomi Dardik, Head of OurRitual's Clinical Team of Therapists. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss what this means for a relationship.

"People often ask if they’re falling out of love as if it’s a phenomenon that just happens, like suddenly developing a nut allergy, and figure that if they are, in fact, 'falling out of love' then they should end their relationship, just like they would just stop eating nuts because hey, they’re allergic," the therapist shared.

"On social media, most responses to the question 'How do I know if I’m falling out of love?' are variations of signs of relationship distress. For example, if you realize you would rather be at work than spend time with your partner or you can’t feel comfortable sharing thoughts and feelings with them because of how they respond, then commenters advise that you know you’re falling out of love and the relationship is over," Naomi explained.

"We’d probably all agree that these are both obvious signs of serious relationship distress, and people who feel this way might actually do well to end their relationships," Naomi continued. "That said, the only conclusion we can actually draw from these examples is that the relationship is in serious distress."

"Why is it in distress? We can’t know yet. Could it get better? Maybe. 'Falling out of love' is not a well-defined scientific phenomenon," the therapist shared. "Maybe the couple’s distress is because they have poor communication skills, are experiencing overwhelming stress and don’t know how to cope, or maybe one or both are suffering from serious and untreated mental health problems."

"These 'signs' only tell us what is happening, not why. Concluding that they’ve 'fallen out of love' is like diagnosing someone with an imbalance of humors when they present with a cough instead of investigating the precise cause so that the person can get the care they need (spoiler alert, not leeches)," Naomi told Bored Panda. "Technically, maybe, sure. But it tells you nothing except that a problem exists. Diagnosing the couple as 'fallen out of love' is arguably even worse than a diagnosis of humor imbalance since it implies that the condition is permanent and untreatable when that might not be true at all."

Naomi also noted that a minority but present voice in the Reddit thread points out that it's normal to have disconnected times and negative feelings even in good, healthy, long term relationships. "I suspect we all pretty much agree that these points are both true - dreading coming home to see your partner is a decidedly bad sign and yes, partners in awesome relationships are sometimes (really) irritated with each other," she continued.

"One of my favorite professors at UC Berkeley’s MSW program, Greg Merrill, once said that everyone tells you you're going to have bad days, but no one tells you that you're going to have bad years! It’s important to know that constant bliss in long term relationships is not a thing, so that you don’t condemn a perfectly healthy relationship as doomed when it’s actually just being normal and is occasionally also really painful to be in," the therapist shared.

"If you notice that you’re more than occasionally annoyed with each other, that you no longer enjoy each other’s company or find each other attractive, the first step is to get curious about what’s contributing to these feelings," Naomi says. "People often don’t realize that their anger at their partners or even feelings of disgust can have emotional roots in themselves that are only marginally related to their actual, real life partners."

"One woman I worked with was worried that her feelings about her husband’s untrimmed nails meant that she wasn’t attracted to him anymore," the therapist shared. "When we explored what this meant to her, she discovered that she associated untrimmed nails with someone who doesn’t pay attention, which was a trigger for her from her childhood. Understanding the root of her feelings changed how she interpreted them and was a significant relief."

"A man thought that his wife’s sharpness towards him when she was angry meant that he couldn’t stay married to her, since he was aware that he really struggled to feel safe around even mildly angry people," Naomi continued. "The idea that he could learn to manage his own reactivity to her angry moments was a revelation to him and helped him change his approach."