Moving to a new city as an adult is one of the loneliest experiences imaginable. You need to build a social life from scratch, find your people, and earn trust with strangers who have no reason to give it to you yet. When someone comes along and opens a door into a ready-made friend group, the relief is enormous. So much so that you might even be willing to overlook a few red flags in the beginning.
One woman moved to a new city and met a man who welcomed her into his social circle. But then she spent two years slowly watching him reveal exactly who he was. It started with a setup she never asked for and migrated into a full-blown misogyny onslaught, one she was thankful to see eventually, and couldn’t wait to tell the internet about.
Making friends in a new city is one of the most difficult adult experiences
One woman was over the moon when a man befriended her and included her in his existing friendgroup
Things got weird when her new friend kept pushing her to go on a date with his friend, something she had no interest in doing
It turns out the guy was pretty nice, but he was quite overweight, and the friend only saw her as someone who could get his weight-loss started
People in the comments had lots of advice, and were quick to remind her that her dating pattern is repeating itself with platonic friends too
She also told people in the comments that from her past experiences, she knew how important physical attraction was to her and that she would stand her ground on that
The problem kept escalating because it soon became clear her friend was a raging misogynist with a short temper
He made disgusting comments about how women should conduct themselves, and he expected everyone to walk on eggshells around him
During an online gaming session, he even got his whole team penalized because he felt someone didn't have the right tone when speaking to him
The model author made the tough choice to let the friendship go, because her dignity was worth more than a superficial friendship
Experts explain that because of societal pressure, misogynists often get away with their behaviour because people don't want to upset the apple cart
System Justification Theory, proposed by Dr John T. Jost, offers a compelling explanation for why everyone at that table stayed quiet. The theory describes the psychological process by which people legitimise existing social arrangements, even when those arrangements are working against them. It is not passive or accidental. People are actively motivated to justify unfair systems because acknowledging the unfairness comes at a cost.
It means accepting that your future might feel less certain, that you might be seen as an outsider for pushing back, that the comfortable social order you have built your life around might need to be dismantled. Staying quiet at a table where someone is saying something wrong is often less about agreement and more about self-preservation dressed up as neutrality.
Misogyny does not always arrive loudly either. Womankind Worldwide notes that it is woven into everyday language, media, and social habits so thoroughly that microaggressions begin to feel ordinary, expected, something to be tolerated instead of challenged. The comment about women's bodies was dropped casually into a conversation, which is exactly how these things tend to arrive. Casually. As if it were simply obvious.
Dating coach Amie Leadingham identifies a super toxic pattern where one person is positioned as a parent, therapist, or saviour while the other becomes a dependent project. Eric was not trying to connect two compatible people. He was offering her as a solution to his friend's problem, making her the "fixer."
Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. notes that attractive people are frequently judged through the physical attractiveness stereotype, triggering assumptions that run in both directions. High competence on one side, vanity or lack of depth on the other. You just can't win!
For a woman who models professionally while simultaneously running a successful tech company, navigating those assumptions is a daily exercise. Eric saw Scarlett Johansson and a personality worth selling to his friend. He did not appear to see much beyond that, which is ultimately why the friendship ran out of road.
For anyone recognising themselves in the loneliness she described at the start of this story, Skip Small Talk suggests that the most reliable way to build genuine adult friendships is through recurring activities, local clubs, hobby classes, and platforms like Meetup or Bumble For Friends, where repeated low-pressure contact creates the conditions for real connection to develop.
The right people are out there. They are just rarely the ones who introduce themselves by immediately trying to set you up with someone you never asked to meet. So keep faith!
How do you think she could have better navigated the situation? Share some advice in the comments!
People who followed the story agreed that she was way better off building lasting friendships with sane people
