I lost my husband suddenly to a heart attack on 3 June. He was my entire world and I am devastated. My only consolation with him having passed is that I know how much he loved me and I know he felt completely loved in return.
But I'm posting on here because I look back and putting up with my in laws is my biggest regret. My husband and I put up with so much from them out of fear, obligation and guilt.
We never got the Christmas we wanted together. We always said "They won't be around forever, we will just put up with their toxic behaviour for now". But it was my husband who passed away first.
We wasted so much time and energy doing a 10-hour round trip to see them. When we arrived, Marjorie, my mother in law, would present us with a selection of the mouldiest veg we had ever seen and demand we cooked her a meal. Again, we put up with it - "It's just a weekend" we would say. But it was precious time that was already running out.
We put up with tantrums, weirdness, and all kinds of toxic behaviour. While they discharged whatever psychological issues they had going on, we soaked up all that stress and carried it. A lifetime of this contributed to the fact my husband had a heart attack despite being young, slim, and fit at 53.
When my father in law passed away, I supported my mother in law with sorting out all her finances and probate.
Since my husband passed away my in laws have not contacted me to check whether I am OK.
DON'T be the bigger, better person.
DON'T think you have all the time in the world. You may not. Every weekend is precious.
Cut toxic people out like the cancer they are.
Do it now.
But I'm posting on here because I look back and putting up with my in laws is my biggest regret. My husband and I put up with so much from them out of fear, obligation and guilt.
We never got the Christmas we wanted together. We always said "They won't be around forever, we will just put up with their toxic behaviour for now". But it was my husband who passed away first.
We wasted so much time and energy doing a 10-hour round trip to see them. When we arrived, Marjorie, my mother in law, would present us with a selection of the mouldiest veg we had ever seen and demand we cooked her a meal. Again, we put up with it - "It's just a weekend" we would say. But it was precious time that was already running out.
We put up with tantrums, weirdness, and all kinds of toxic behaviour. While they discharged whatever psychological issues they had going on, we soaked up all that stress and carried it. A lifetime of this contributed to the fact my husband had a heart attack despite being young, slim, and fit at 53.
When my father in law passed away, I supported my mother in law with sorting out all her finances and probate.
Since my husband passed away my in laws have not contacted me to check whether I am OK.
DON'T be the bigger, better person.
DON'T think you have all the time in the world. You may not. Every weekend is precious.
Cut toxic people out like the cancer they are.
Do it now.