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“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is one of the first life lessons we learn as children. For the most part, it’s about looking past seemingly unappealing superficial traits to know the real person beneath them.
The saying can also work the other way around. Sometimes, we need to be wary of the overly pleasant person who may actually be hiding something sinister from within.
This was a topic of discussion in a recent Threads post, where people discussed the telltale signs of a covertly dangerous person masking themselves behind niceness. If you have trouble reading people, you may learn a thing or two just by scrolling through.
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#1
One of the biggest giveaways is when their kindness is conditional. They seem generous and respectful only as long as they get admiration, attention, or obedience. The moment they’re told “no,” criticized, or rejected, they become manipulative, guilt-tripping, angry, or quietly vindictive. Genuine kindness doesn’t disappear when expectations aren’t met
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#2
They self proclaim themselves as a nice guy
#3
If they try to make you feel guilty for setting a boundary.
#4
They always see themselves as the victim, family, love, friendship. Like really pity trap you
#5
When they weaponize personal things you shared when they pretended to be caring and curious.
#6
Mimicking and mirroring your every move but so well you feel your a match.
#7
Always describe their exes as the problem and the psycho, no accountability.
#8
When they treat someone badly who they perceive as less powerful/important than them, e.g. waitstaff, skycap, usher, janitor, etc. Dead giveaway.
#9
Words without matching actions
#12
When they infantilize you! Run! It’s a supremacist jerk!
#13
They lead with talking about how different and misunderstood they are
Roman Arendt 4 hours ago
Tell them that if they're always being misunderstood, maybe they should work on their communication skills.
#14
When the answer of "no" on anything for any reason is taken as a prompt to try a different strategy rather than to stop.
Cammy Mack 4 hours ago
"You took them without permission, give me back my kids!" "No." "Oh...my apologies. I respect your decision, thank you for your time."
#15
Lack of accountability for even the smallest error. Run.
Roman Arendt 3 hours ago
Yes! Run fast. This is so off-putting and you don't want to see what's happening if they make a big mistake.
#16
He wants to know all the ways you’ve been “hurt” in your life.
It sounds empathetic.. but hes not…he’s studying his prey.
#18
When everything in their life that fell apart has an explanation that absolves them of any and all fault.
#19
Trying to separate themselves from men in general. Like “most men aren’t like me” or “I would never” type of talk.
#20
Benevolent sexism and paternalism, the masks of coercive control and hurtful behavior.
#21
When they say they want their woman to be submissive and feminine
KitchenToto 3 hours ago
It means they are insecure and need to dominate a woman to feel secure
#22
When they call women “crazy.”
#24
When they’re performative, on the outside they seem charming just great all around but underneath they lack empathy, accountability, deflect, gaslight, use others as opportunities, will lied steal and cheat. They will be a perpetual victim of every failed relationship always rewriting the story for the “nice guy” to get pity. Confront them or have boundaries and EGO, arrogance and pride will reveal the nastiness underneath. The true them
#25
Before they do something wrong, they start listing reasons WHY the person deserves it, it’s icky.
#26
Sometimes the most dangerous person in the room is the one who worked the hardest to convince everybody they’re the safest.
#27
When they laugh at someone getting hurt, or at the idea of gratuitous violence.
#28
When they speak with obvious compliments that contain veiled negativity. Smiling as they try to take you down
#29
I think one of the biggest tells is whether their kindness can survive a loss of control. I’ve seen people that seem extraordinarily nice as long as everyone around them is behaving in ways that keep them comfortable. You can learn a lot by watching who they become when they don’t get to control the outcome.
#30
It all comes out when they get mad about something. How they deal with conflict or dissatisfaction or disappointment…that’s where the truth of them is.
#31
Everyone was charmed by him, but you couldn’t get close to him or form a genuine connection. He was a narcissist.
#32
They ask inappropriate personal questions right off the bat. Immediately attempting to test boundaries.
#34
Any self proclaimation of good qualities repeatedly. The eyes as well. A lot of “good guys” have dead eyes.
#35
They get upset when the attention is off of them or they don’t receive validation for every idea they have
#36
When they always seem to have just the right thing to say in the beginning of your relationship - they want what you want, etc.
#37
Women in their past relationships broke their heart...cheated on them etc.
Before you know it, the "cute" jealousy starts....but it's disguised as care.
#38
I went on a dinner date once with a guy who said, “I’ll never cheat on you”, out of the blue. I stood up and said “You won’t get a chance” and drove myself home!
#39
Mansplaining. It’s a sign they need to know more than you about everything. Good luck getting them to admit they are wrong
#40
Says he only wants female friends to protect them, acts like a nice guy to get close to women, but secretly only collects women he finds attractive to see if any buy into his "I'm a catch, I'm not like other men" persona. Plot twist, he's very much like other men, and worse.
#42
When they are extremely pushy about anything in a passive aggressive manner. The firm no is the trigger.
#43
They never express that they are angry, sad, disappointed. They are always “ok” and “fine” and “good”. These types of nice guys are DANGEROUS because they have made a habit of lying and their code/frequency is stuck at “inauthentic” and that makes them more likely to lie to you, gaslight you and make your authenticity a challenge to their ego.
David Paterson 2 hours ago
I disagree with this. Unless you are deliberately trying to anger, depress or disappoint them then they shouldn't be angry, sad or disappointed. If you are trying to anger, depress or disappoint them then they're not the ones who are the problem. And, well, gratuitous emotional dumping on your partner does not make for a good relationship.
#47
Claiming to be healed masking suppressed trauma.
David Paterson 2 hours ago
A version of that is claiming to have a minor mental illness in order to hide the fact that they have a major mental illness.
#48
They aren't a "nice guy" in private.
#50
If he ever says "I'll tell you what..." and then offers some minor favor dressed as a major kindness, RUN.
#51
They mask their words as appearing articulate but at the end of the day they are just gaslighting you with lies about who you are to make you feel less than. When you go to someone in a shared circle for help they do not believe you because the man seems so articulate to them.
Bartlet for world domination 1 hour ago
On the other hand, thinking carefully about what you want to convey before you say it really does help.
#53
When they only want men to be masculine and women to be feminine, and judge those who are different from that.
#54
The second you feel uncomfortable being yourself around them. The moment you feel yourself having to tone police a word or two or defend an idea with too much veracity. We are on a first date sir! I didn’t think I needed to bring my laptop and a dissertation for proof of my knowledge.
#56
Christian anything on bio.
David Paterson 2 hours ago (edited)
I'm going to disagree on this one. I have no religion, but I get along better with Christians than with atheists. Christians tend to be kinder.
What do you think ?
KitchenToto 3 hours ago
I learnt this by watching when friends were treated badly by someone they thought liked them. Personally always had the radar to avoid them. Really sorry for people who had to learn it by experience
David Paterson 2 hours ago (edited)
I'm going to add a few more to this. 1) They're romantic. The more romantic a man is in terms of lavishing money on you, the faster you need to run. 2) They're an alcoholic. Don't date drunk unless you plan on never dating the same person again. 3) They stop you from sleeping. Some people will actively grind a partner down by stopping them from sleeping (or eating - think vegan, or showering, or limiting their access to the toilet). 4) Only half of the bad people in this world are men.
Littlemiss 29 minutes ago
I remember talking to someone online and within 10 conversations over a week they went from polite to over the top to declaration of love. He actually seemed surprised when I called him out.
Load More Replies... KitchenToto 3 hours ago
I learnt this by watching when friends were treated badly by someone they thought liked them. Personally always had the radar to avoid them. Really sorry for people who had to learn it by experience
David Paterson 2 hours ago (edited)
I'm going to add a few more to this. 1) They're romantic. The more romantic a man is in terms of lavishing money on you, the faster you need to run. 2) They're an alcoholic. Don't date drunk unless you plan on never dating the same person again. 3) They stop you from sleeping. Some people will actively grind a partner down by stopping them from sleeping (or eating - think vegan, or showering, or limiting their access to the toilet). 4) Only half of the bad people in this world are men.
Littlemiss 29 minutes ago
I remember talking to someone online and within 10 conversations over a week they went from polite to over the top to declaration of love. He actually seemed surprised when I called him out.
Load More Replies...
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