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I think we can all admit to knowing people who shave a few years off their age when filling out an online profile. There are some who just blame bad lighting for looking older in photos, but then there are the rare overachievers who decide to just rewrite their birth certificate.
That’s exactly what happened to today’s Original Poster (OP), who believed she had found the perfect partner after swearing off relationships with much older men. After months of building trust and falling in love, she discovered that one of the biggest reasons she felt comfortable dating him in the first place wasn’t true at all.
More info: Reddit
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A small exaggeration might seem harmless at first, but some lies have a way of changing the entire foundation of a relationship
Image credits: garetsvisual / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The author started dating a man who told her he was 31 and felt relieved because she wanted to avoid large age-gap relationships after a past experience
Image credits: olganosova / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Over three months, she grew attached to him, admiring his personality and believing she had found someone close to her age who treated her well
Image credits: Freepik / Magnific (not the actual photo)
She discovered that her boyfriend was actually 41 and had continued lying about his age despite knowing her feelings about dating older men
Image credits: httpslinebine
She also learned he had lied about other personal details, leaving her questioning whether their relationship can survive after such a major breach of trust
The OP explained that she had been dating her boyfriend for about three months after he introduced himself as being 31 years old. Since she was 26, the relatively small age gap immediately made her feel at ease, especially because her previous relationship had involved a partner who was ten years older.
She made it clear she didn’t want to date someone significantly older and was happy to finally be with someone who was much closer to her own age and life stage. Over the course of their relationship, she grew deeply attached to her boyfriend. She admired his success and maturity for someone in his early thirties, describing him as ambitious, accomplished, and someone whose lifestyle matched her own goals.
However, she learned that he wasn’t 31 at all, but he was actually 41. Although the age itself was difficult to process, she said the repeated deception hurt even more. This wasn’t a single lie told on the first date that was quickly corrected. Instead, he continued pretending to be younger for months while listening to her repeatedly explain why she deliberately avoided relationships with older partners.
She also noted that it wasn’t the first time he had been dishonest. Early in their relationship, he admitted that stories about his job, ethnicity, and where he lived were also untrue. She initially forgave those lies because they happened during their first meeting. However, this has left her with conflicting emotions and is wondering if she should move forward or if it’s a complete dealbreaker.
Image credits: vkstudio / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Couples with larger age differences can have happy, successful relationships, but they may also face unique challenges. Psychology Today believes this is less about the number of years between partners and more about differences in life stage, priorities, and long-term goals that can put additional pressure on a relationship.
In this case, however, the age gap was one issue, but the deception was another. According to Greater Good, dishonesty can damage a relationship far beyond the initial lie because it weakens a partner’s sense of trust and emotional security. They explain that once someone realizes they’ve been deceived, they often begin questioning other parts of the relationship as well, even things unrelated to the original falsehood.
Whether a relationship can recover after a betrayal like this ultimately depends on what happens next. Empathi notes that rebuilding trust takes much more than an apology. They note that reconciliation is only possible if both people are genuinely willing to work through the hurt and rebuild the relationship together.
Netizens believed that lying about his age, job, background, and personal details so early in the relationship was a major warning sign and questioned whether trust could be rebuilt. What are your thoughts? Do you think the lie about his age is something that can be forgiven, or would it be an automatic dealbreaker for you? We would love to hear from you!
Netizens encouraged the author not to ignore her instincts and suggested having a direct conversation with him or even asking the friend involved for her version of events
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What do you think ?
LizzieBoredom 4 days ago
The author should ask her truth- allergic boyfriend's wife about his history of lying.
Ace 4 days ago
I can see why some people might deliberately misstate their age on a dating profile, just to avoid being excluded from the search, but once you've met someone the first time you'd surely come clean about it, even pretend that it was an honest mistake? I'm not sure that would actually work, but getting trapped into maintaining the lie like this is only ever going to lead to one outcome, and now she doesn't believe anything he told her.
Becca not Becky 4 days ago
What you suggested in the first half of your comment is still lying. If people have those search preferences, it is their right. Yes, it s***s to not be given a chance based on things you can't control (age, height, ethnicity, etc) but that's just how it is. No one is entitled to a chance, but everyone is entitled to honesty. Starting an interaction with a lie raises the question of what else that person has lied or would lie about. Healthy relationships are built on trust, not lies.
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LizzieBoredom 4 days ago
The author should ask her truth- allergic boyfriend's wife about his history of lying.
Ace 4 days ago
I can see why some people might deliberately misstate their age on a dating profile, just to avoid being excluded from the search, but once you've met someone the first time you'd surely come clean about it, even pretend that it was an honest mistake? I'm not sure that would actually work, but getting trapped into maintaining the lie like this is only ever going to lead to one outcome, and now she doesn't believe anything he told her.
Becca not Becky 4 days ago
What you suggested in the first half of your comment is still lying. If people have those search preferences, it is their right. Yes, it s***s to not be given a chance based on things you can't control (age, height, ethnicity, etc) but that's just how it is. No one is entitled to a chance, but everyone is entitled to honesty. Starting an interaction with a lie raises the question of what else that person has lied or would lie about. Healthy relationships are built on trust, not lies.
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