FOUND: Funny clever comebacks posts - What They Never Told You

It may seem like anything goes when it comes to insulting someone but that's simply not true. Often, with celebrity roasts, comedians will be briefed on what not to talk about.

"If there’s something they warn us about or ask us to avoid – don’t make fun of my kids, of my wife, whatever – we’ll honour that. We’ll still make those jokes in the writers room to make each other laugh, like little kids being naughty, but they won’t make it into the script," reveals Tony Hinchcliffe, a stand-up comedian, writer and podcast host who has worked on several comedy roasts, including the recent Netflix Roast of Kevin Hart.

Known for his no-holds-barred, brutal words, Hinchcliffe is no stranger to controversy. He came under fire yet again for the "sexist" and "racist" jokes he used while roasting Hart in May.

Fellow comedian Chelsea Handler, who also took part in The Roast of Kevin Hart, publicly voiced her disgust at Hinchcliffe's distasteful jabs.

“There was so much disgustingness. I knew it was going to be such a gross vibe that I would be able to elevate it, no problem. … Kevin didn’t deserve that. He deserved an elevated roast,” Handler said, during an episode of Deon Cole's podcast Funny Knowing You.

She revealed that she took issue with many of the jokes told by both roast host Shane Gillis and Hinchcliffe.

“It’s just everything we know: that they’re racist, that they’re bigots, that they’re sexist,” Handler said. “That they think they’re invincible.”

Many accused Hinchcliffe of going "too far" during the roast, and his joke about George Floyd was not well-received. “The Black community is so proud of you right now. George Floyd is looking up at us all, laughing so hard he can’t breathe,” said the comedian during his set.

But Kevin Hart later came to his defence, arguing that people should know by now what to expect from Hinchcliffe. He added that Hinchcliffe “arguably had the best set or one of the best sets” of the evening, and that fans of celebrity roasts know why racial humor is on the table.

“Yeah, the George Floyd joke, it wasn’t a tasteful joke to our culture, to our audience,” Hart said during an episode of The Breakfast Club with host Charlamagne tha God. “I wasn’t shocked. That’s what they do. It happens every year when they do a roast. It’s not new.” 

There's a reason we get riled up when insulted.

 “When someone says something offensive or harmful that hurts us or hurts a member of a community that’s really important to us, our nervous system can get activated,” says Kerry McBroome, a psychologist in Brooklyn. The expert adds that this is why we're often at a loss for words, or a clever comeback.

“The parts of the brain that are responsible for coming up with clever or witty things to say are just not online—they’re nervous and sensing a threat,” she explains.

If you're ever on the receiving end of a sexist or racist joke, you may be so shocked that you're speechless. But it turns out, hitting back might be easier than you realize... According to psychotherapist Melanie Williams, simply responding with, "Are you okay?" can work wonders.

“There’s so much packed in this short comeback,” she says, adding that the offender is often caught off-guard. Williams suggests that you follow-up with a quick observation: “Just checking, because that was completely inappropriate.”

The expert explains that asking someone if they’re okay immediately lets them know that the spotlight is on them, rather than on whomever or whatever they were talking about. It also highlights that their words were problematic, hopefully prompting them to do some self-reflection.

McBroome’s favorite response to a prejudiced or outright bigoted remark is to smile and say, “Wow, what a wild thing to say out loud.”

“They don’t see it coming, and by throwing them off their rhythm or startling them, they’re able to question something they previously hadn't questioned,” she explains. The expert adds that this response often forces people to examine their bias and reflect on why something they thought was acceptable to say didn’t go over well.

“A lot of times when people say something rude, it’s really impulsive, and they’re not thinking about whether it’s the wisest thing they can say in that situation,” reveals Amanda Stemen, a Los Angeles-based therapist who teaches mindful communication skills.

Her go-to response when someone mutters something offensive under their breath, or out loud in a room full of people, is, "Could you repeat that? I don't think I heard you correctly."

Stemen says by asking someone to repeat themself, you’re extending an opportunity to rethink and rephrase what they said.

“Often, they’ll realize there are a bunch of people around, and they don’t want to say it louder, because the shame is going to kick in,” she adds. “It deescalates the situation.”

Another therapist Jessica Good agrees that the best comeback to an insult is one that spurs the person to reflect. "What was you intention with that comments?" is what Good suggests you say...

This comeback is both effective and therapeutic, she says because “it makes them say the quiet part out loud.”

She recommends responding in a calm voice with a curious tone, adding that you should make eye contact to show that you're confident.

At best, she says, the person might pause and reflect on their statement. Or they might deny that they were intending to cause hurt or harm. Either way, they'll be aware that their behavior hasn't gone unnoticed, and that you're not afraid to call them out on it.