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A quality insult is considerably more useful than most conventional methods of self defense, but in the heat of the moment, most people can’t come up with something. But online, people have a moment to think, plan and edit their best counterattacks.

We gathered some of the best comebacks and comments from an Instagram page dedicated to those exact things. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own examples in the comments section down below.

More info: Instagram

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    The finest insults are not born from anger. They come from a place of calm, almost surgical precision, where the person delivering the blow has taken the time to really observe their target and identify the one thing that, when said aloud in just the right way, causes the whole room to inhale sharply before erupting into laughter.

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    Rage produces noise. Wit produces wounds. And the best roasts leave a mark not because they were mean, but because they were so undeniably, perfectly true. Timing is everything. You could have the greatest line in the history of human language sitting in your back pocket, but if you pull it out at the wrong moment, it lands like a damp napkin.

    #5

    Apple patents AirPods case featuring interactive display and media controls

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    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What makes you think it's the full cycle? I'm sure they're already planning the next round of useless extra features that some people will think they absolutely must have.

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    #6

    Healthy breakfast plate with turkey, boiled eggs, cucumber, carrots, and feta cheese protein meal

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    Jeremy James
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Is tasteless food to be eaten without salt, or is there flavor in the white of an egg?" Job 6:6

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    The masters of the craft, people like Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, and Dorothy Parker, understood that a comeback delivered three beats after the opening exists in a completely different universe from one that arrives three days later in a strongly worded letter. The pause, the breath, the slight tilt of the head before delivery, all of it is part of the art form.

    #7

    Muscular shirtless men comparison illustrating male gaze and gym culture

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    SuzyG
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Woman here. Would lie down in traffic for either of these men.

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    Specificity is what separates a great burn from a generic one. Telling someone they are stupid is not an insult, it is a complaint. But telling someone that their last idea was so catastrophically misguided that it somehow managed to loop back around and become accidentally innovative, now that is something worth remembering.

    #11

    Flight radar image showing 600 private jets leaving Bay Area after Super Bowl

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    BrunoVI
    Community Member
    17 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One day, I hope, people will look at all the celebrity environmentalists flying into the Global Climate Change Summit with the same disgust for hypocrisy that people get when they find a preacher has been soliciting prostitutes.

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    Great roasts zoom in. They target a particular habit, a specific quirk, a recognizable pattern of behavior that the audience immediately connects with. The more specific the observation, the harder the hit, because it demonstrates that the person delivering it has been paying attention.

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    #14

    Close-up of two sharp white baby teeth lost by a daughter

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    SuzyG
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Be nice! The original poster could be a mastodon...

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    #15

    1947 Cadillac Series 62 Sedanette fastback classic car with sleek black design

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    John Dilligaf
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    what a beautiful car. I think the auto companies are missing a bet here . Take old classic body styles like this but with modern engines, electronics, safety features, etc. Surely there'd be a market for that.

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    The best insults are also almost always compliment adjacent. This is the sneaky genius of the truly skilled roaster. They build you up just enough that you relax, you start to smile, and then the floor disappears. Churchill was a virtuoso at this. So was Oscar Wilde, who managed to make his targets feel vaguely flattered even while being absolutely destroyed. When an insult contains a grudging acknowledgment of something real, it becomes almost impossible to argue against, and that helplessness is part of what makes it sting so beautifully.

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    #16

    Scientology building with caption about TikTok speedrunning challenges

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    Amy
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First time I’ve been interested in TikTok - this sounds a good watch 😂

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    #17

    Empty highway beside residential area illustrating commuter dream and highway commute concept

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    Forrest Hobbs
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, I mean don't we all want to live with constant noise and pollution from nine lanes of traffic? So perfect! 😍

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    There is also the question of economy. The longer an insult runs, the more it starts to feel like a grievance, and nobody wants to be around someone airing grievances. The sharpest burns are short. They are clean. They do not explain themselves or circle back to check that you understood the point.

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    #20

    Tesla dashboard showing car self-diagnosis and pre-order parts option

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    SlothyK8
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband has a Tesla. Total POS. I can't count the number of times it simply doesn't turn on. The touch screen s***s, and the controls are completely different than an ICE vehicle. On a recent vacation he kept turning on the windshield wipers when trying to reverse. Stupid car.

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    #21

    Robot vacuum stuck near threshold with humorous godless comments notification

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    Khavrinen
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Doesn't take much to seem like a cliff when you're only four inches tall.

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    If you have to add "and another thing," you have already lost the room. Think of it like a great one-liner in stand-up comedy, the setup exists only to serve the punchline, and the punchline knows exactly when to stop talking. Delivery, of course, is the invisible ingredient that recipe writers always forget to mention.

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    #22

    Titanic wreck exploration by submarine with godless comments about disaster

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    Nathaniel
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Today on Stupid Sh!t for a billionaire to do....

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    Two people can say the exact same line and produce completely different results. The deadpan face, the raised eyebrow, the almost bored tone of someone who is not even sure the target deserves the full effort of their attention, these are the tools of the trade. Enthusiasm undercuts an insult. Calm devastates.

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    #25

    Rolling Stones member dresses like a regular 77-year-old man among bandmates

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    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dunno how old this post was, but sadly he dîed five years ago. RIP Charlie.

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    What truly elevates a roast into legend is when the target laughs too. That is the summit. When the person being roasted cannot help themselves, when they break into a grin despite their best efforts, the roaster has achieved something rare and genuinely admirable.

    #28

    Screenshot of video game landscape mistaken for news photo by local station

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    MeFromTheFBI
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is such a pretty game and an amazing (and really sad) ending. The entire game is very well written

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    It means the observation was so accurate, so free of actual malice, so perfectly constructed, that even the subject has to respect the craftsmanship. The best insults, at their core, are not really about cruelty at all. They are about truth, delivered with style, at exactly the right moment, to exactly the right person, by someone who was clearly paying closer attention than anyone realized.

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    #35

    Container of 250 million year old salt with expired date closeup

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    Lily bloom
    Community Member
    1 day ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thats not an expiry date but a best by date. It is not unsafe to use but may taste like only 217 million year old salt.

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    #36

    Photo of five men with tweet joking about telling kids it's One Direction

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    Razill
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    An amazing group of actors here.

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    #37

    Ryan Gosling pictured with woman and rock highlighting godless comments joke

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    PrettyJoyBird
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He has chemistry with everyone in all his movies. Humerous, charasmatic, dramatic.

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    #38

    Comparison of healthy liver and cirrhosis showing effects of alcohol on liver health

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    Ugh, do I have to?
    Community Member
    1 day ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But people always tell me, "you gotta give up drinking for good."

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    #40

    Tweet about rapper 50 Cent discouraging Trump pardon with humorous comment

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    Kate Johnson
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's not wrong Diddy is right where he belongs.

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    #43

    List of funny godless comments including whimsical words like bamboozled and shenanigans

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    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Cattywampus" is one of my favorite words in the world. My dad and my aunt (his sister) both used to say it for any situation that was all messed up. There's a made-up creature statue at a local theme park (Knotts Berry Farm) called the Catawampus. I say hi to it every time I go to Knotts, and it's like giving my dad and aunt a nod and a grin :)

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    #47

    Mountain lakes view after hiking for godless comments meme

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    Saint_Zipcodus (oh / no)
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember a time when we were able to read the comment un-censored

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    #48

    News about Saudi Arabia allowing foreign residents earning over $13,000 to buy alcohol with related godless comment

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    michael reid
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's the same in all countries, for different offences. "Punishable by fine" means "Legal for a price".

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    #49

    Two photos of Miss Argentina and Miss Puerto Rico announcing marriage with caption

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    Pferdchen
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder how many times they've gotten ready for a night out, taken a look at each other and decided to stay home instead.

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    #50

    Truck overloaded with thousands of carrots illustrating funny godless comments meme

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    G A
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When Bugs Bunny won the lottery, there were signs...

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    #52

    Meme showing lawyer and client reaction to judge speaking favorably in court

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    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 day ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I watched a lawyer successfully arguing a motion, but was the only person in the room who didn't realize the judge had already been convinced. The guy kept talking and managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of his victory.

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    #54

    Handwritten note praising mom deserving a microwaved hot dog with godless humor

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    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Depending on the age of the author, a microwaved hot dog might be one of their favorite treats, so they're saying their mom deserves the best thing they can think of at that moment! XD

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    #56

    R. Oppenheimer lecturing at Kyoto University in 1960 with complex equations on blackboard

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    Roni Stone
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That man knew a thing or two about corporal punishment fr.

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    #58

    Gen Z using old-school iPods and digital cameras for simplicity

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    Lily bloom
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Include the necessary components to charge and add a 3.5mm headphone jack and i might consider buying my first Awple product

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    #59

    Red and blue painted cow with people smiling nearby

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    Amy
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Christ I hope this isn’t real. We don’t need to be spray painting cows - poorellas have enough problems.

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    #61

    Photo showing two different lit rooms with one dark and one bright for kids choosing rooms

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    Niki
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pretty sure I know who is going to choose what. I'm not saying my oldest likes to live in dark spaces like his mother, but......

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    #63

    Man making silence gesture humor about avoiding mechanic's advice during oil change

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    Lily bloom
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "No but did you hear that noise i told you about? The one that happens constantly when i'm driving it? Of course it's stopped now at the shop" noise resumes 3/4 mile after leaving shop

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    #66

    Two images showing Walking D**d cast walking in groups with caption about show endings

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    Michael P.
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Ricktatorship era was when The Walking D**d was at it's peak, Rick's group at the prison and the Governor in Woodbury. I stopped watching after the Governor executed Hershel in Season 4 and destroyed the prison that became their safe haven.

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    #68

    Photo of couple and dog on beach with green lines showing posture and a humorous godless comment

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    Maggie Fulton
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How else could they tell if she should respect the dog?

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    #69

    Images of stretchy artificial muscles stronger than human tissue

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    UnclePanda
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I, for one, welcome our new spongiform overlords.

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    #70

    Twenty-seven contact lenses removed by UK surgeon joke in godless comments

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    David Paterson
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just lost one contact lens around the back of my eye for a fortnight, and it scared the sh*t out of me.

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    #72

    Text message exchange with photo of Marvel-themed ceiling fan blades

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    Lily bloom
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But you cant see the artwork very well if at all if using the spinning functionality that is a ceiling fan

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    #73

    Man kissing pregnant woman's belly with tennis headline about Serena comparison

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    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    According to the US Supreme Court, she and the fetus should have played as a doubles team.

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    #79

    Map showing places in the United States where speeding tickets are most likely with humorous commentary

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    MaryHadaLittleLamb
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I live in southeast Michigan, and it is well known that Ohio cops are ravenous when it comes to issuing speeding tickets.

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    #86

    Underwater naval mines image with caption about expectations

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    Pandora
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to a regular hazard. 🤔

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    #87

    Airport food platter with sauces and beer glass at airport restaurant

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    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you have to ask how much it costs, you probably can't afford it.

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    #88

    Army photos comparing body counts in godless comments meme

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    UKGrandad
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shouldn't the second picture's caption be *after* joining the army? 'Military intelligence' really is an oxymoron.

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    #89

    Portrait of Michael Jackson with text about Billboard Global 200 chart achievement

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    TheSubmissiveToe
    Community Member
    5 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was Drake even alive when "Billie Jean" was released?

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    #92

    Tweet about a donation to Spirit Airlines employee mocked by James Charles

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    Lily bloom
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Didn't BP have several posts about her not long ago with her name in the title?

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    #94

    Three men looking at camera with coronavirus prediction tweet from 2013

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    Trillian
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wasn't that when MERS (also a type of corona virus) made news?

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    #97

    Animated scene showing a man with a mustache holding a disc, with emotional context

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    Sparky
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And for those of us who don't know the context?

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    #98

    Group of diverse women in swimsuits posing on beach with one man in basketball jersey

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    UKGrandad
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The day? Is this one of those 'iykyk' things or just an ill-advised HIV joke?

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