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When we’re growing up, our parents make the rules. They assign us chores, set a curfew, and tell us how to treat others. But things can get complicated if we become adults and they still insist on managing our lives.
A couple of days ago, a woman who goes by the nickname Meekotherogue online turned to the subreddit ‘Entitled Parents‘ to vent about her mom.
The lady sometimes visits her, and she’s OK with having her at home; however, the Redditor’s mom started claiming her guest room and calling it ‘her’ room.
Continue scrolling to read the woman’s story in her own words, which accentuates just how important it is to have healthy boundaries. Without them, everyday life becomes more difficult than it needs to be.
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Parents like to offer us guidance and support even after we grow up
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
But this woman said that her mother should back off a little instead
Image credits: Elina Fairytale / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: meekotheroguea
Such overbearing parents can be difficult to interact with, but that doesn’t mean they should get a free pass
According to Zoe Reyes, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in anxiety and trauma, overbearing parents often disregard your need for freedom and self-determination.
“They may frequently dismiss your choices and label them as immature and dumb,” she said. “They may want to exert influence on every aspect of your life, and when you don’t allow that, they make their scorn apparent.”
So what drives such frustrating behaviors as the one Meekotherogue described in her Reddit post?
Anxiety is one probable cause. “Individuals who struggle with anxiety often try to control things within their environment … to feel a sense of control within themselves,” Reyes explained. “The problem with this is that these individuals end up alienating the people around them.”
Another potential reason is fear. “Parents sometimes see themselves in you, catching glimpses of their own personalities and challenges as they watch you live your life,” the therapist continued. “They may be fearful of you making the very same mistakes they did at some point.”
Whatever the explanation might be, it’s clear that Meekotherogue (and others who find themselves in similar situations) need to develop strong boundaries and be assertive.
Setting limits isn’t disrespectful in the slightest. On the contrary, it’s good to draw the line and ask your parents to respect your needs. Licensed clinical social worker and nurse Judith Aronowitz explained that some of the benefits for both sides include:
- preventing resentment;
- creating healthier and long-lasting attachments;
- supporting autonomy and individuation;
- allowing uniqueness and feeling true to oneself.
Hopefully, the author of the text will manage to do it!
Image credits: Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman’s confession ignited an emotional discussion on parent-children boundaries
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What do you think ?
Nigel Sulley 2 years ago
I'm afraid I just don't see the issue of her saying it's her room.. she always uses it when she visits, you even said "technically true" when she mentioned nobody else has used it... and are guests not allowed to use your spare closet in your spare room? when on vacation and you are staying at a motel/ hotel, do you refer to that room as your room or do you always refer to it as the motel's room? Like "it's getting late, let's go back to the Holiday Inn's room"? I personally don't see any issues here at all.. sounds like an overreaction to me.
Vinnie 2 years ago
If that's the only issue, it's an over-reaction. I suspect there's a history of the mother disrespecting the OP's boundaries, so yet another incident. The mother asked if anyone else has slept in "my room" - that sounds like a child who goes back and forth between divorced parents. The pouting may be her trying to regress to childhood. Some commenters in reddit think she's hoping to move in eventually.
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Temporary Dork 2 years ago
I have a hard time seeing going through a closet in a designated guest room as 'snooping'. Isn't that where guests can keep their stuff?
Bogdan Chelariu 2 years ago
Yes, guests can keep their stuff there, but so can OP, if she needs additional storage space, as it's her house! And if the mother started looking through OP's stuff as well, then that's called snooping!
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Nils Skirnir 2 years ago
I sometimes stay at my brothers’ homes. When I’m there I always call them ‘my’ rooms for ease. They call them ‘your’ rooms, although we all know they are guest rooms. OP is a controlling person with some deep resentments. Needs counseling
Sunny 2 years ago
Do you call it your room when you are back at your home?
Load More Replies... Nigel Sulley 2 years ago
I'm afraid I just don't see the issue of her saying it's her room.. she always uses it when she visits, you even said "technically true" when she mentioned nobody else has used it... and are guests not allowed to use your spare closet in your spare room? when on vacation and you are staying at a motel/ hotel, do you refer to that room as your room or do you always refer to it as the motel's room? Like "it's getting late, let's go back to the Holiday Inn's room"? I personally don't see any issues here at all.. sounds like an overreaction to me.
Vinnie 2 years ago
If that's the only issue, it's an over-reaction. I suspect there's a history of the mother disrespecting the OP's boundaries, so yet another incident. The mother asked if anyone else has slept in "my room" - that sounds like a child who goes back and forth between divorced parents. The pouting may be her trying to regress to childhood. Some commenters in reddit think she's hoping to move in eventually.
Load More Replies... Temporary Dork 2 years ago
I have a hard time seeing going through a closet in a designated guest room as 'snooping'. Isn't that where guests can keep their stuff?
Bogdan Chelariu 2 years ago
Yes, guests can keep their stuff there, but so can OP, if she needs additional storage space, as it's her house! And if the mother started looking through OP's stuff as well, then that's called snooping!
Load More Replies... Nils Skirnir 2 years ago
I sometimes stay at my brothers’ homes. When I’m there I always call them ‘my’ rooms for ease. They call them ‘your’ rooms, although we all know they are guest rooms. OP is a controlling person with some deep resentments. Needs counseling
Sunny 2 years ago
Do you call it your room when you are back at your home?
Load More Replies...
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