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“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is one of the first life lessons we learn as children. For the most part, it’s about looking past seemingly unappealing superficial traits to know the real person beneath them.
The saying can also work the other way around. Sometimes, we need to be wary of the overly pleasant person who may actually be hiding something sinister from within.
This was a topic of discussion in a recent Threads post, where people discussed the telltale signs of a covertly dangerous person masking themselves behind niceness. If you have trouble reading people, you may learn a thing or two just by scrolling through.
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#1
One of the biggest giveaways is when their kindness is conditional. They seem generous and respectful only as long as they get admiration, attention, or obedience. The moment they’re told “no,” criticized, or rejected, they become manipulative, guilt-tripping, angry, or quietly vindictive. Genuine kindness doesn’t disappear when expectations aren’t met
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#2
When they weaponize personal things you shared when they pretended to be caring and curious.
Shiv Harikrishnan 6 days ago
But what if they shared something harmful towards themselves while I was curious and I were to weapons it against them so that they don’t s*****e or for their own good
#3
They always see themselves as the victim, family, love, friendship. Like really pity trap you
#4
They self proclaim themselves as a nice guy
#5
If they try to make you feel guilty for setting a boundary.
#6
When they treat someone badly who they perceive as less powerful/important than them, e.g. waitstaff, skycap, usher, janitor, etc. Dead giveaway.
#7
When the answer of "no" on anything for any reason is taken as a prompt to try a different strategy rather than to stop.
#8
Always describe their exes as the problem and the psycho, no accountability.
#14
When they say they want their woman to be submissive and feminine
#15
They lead with talking about how different and misunderstood they are
Roman Arendt 6 days ago
Tell them that if they're always being misunderstood, maybe they should work on their communication skills.
#16
Lack of accountability for even the smallest error. Run.
Roman Arendt 6 days ago
Yes! Run fast. This is so off-putting and you don't want to see what's happening if they make a big mistake.
#17
When everything in their life that fell apart has an explanation that absolves them of any and all fault.
#18
He wants to know all the ways you’ve been “hurt” in your life.
It sounds empathetic.. but hes not…he’s studying his prey.
#20
Before they do something wrong, they start listing reasons WHY the person deserves it, it’s icky.
#21
They get mad at you when you take too long to trust them.
#22
Mansplaining. It’s a sign they need to know more than you about everything. Good luck getting them to admit they are wrong
Michael Largey 6 days ago
There are men who will quite unironically mansplain mansplaining to a woman.
#23
When they laugh at someone getting hurt, or at the idea of gratuitous violence.
#24
I think one of the biggest tells is whether their kindness can survive a loss of control. I’ve seen people that seem extraordinarily nice as long as everyone around them is behaving in ways that keep them comfortable. You can learn a lot by watching who they become when they don’t get to control the outcome.
#25
Sometimes the most dangerous person in the room is the one who worked the hardest to convince everybody they’re the safest.
#26
They get upset when the attention is off of them or they don’t receive validation for every idea they have
#27
When they call women “crazy.”
#28
Always blaming others
#29
When they’re performative, on the outside they seem charming just great all around but underneath they lack empathy, accountability, deflect, gaslight, use others as opportunities, will lied steal and cheat. They will be a perpetual victim of every failed relationship always rewriting the story for the “nice guy” to get pity. Confront them or have boundaries and EGO, arrogance and pride will reveal the nastiness underneath. The true them
#30
It all comes out when they get mad about something. How they deal with conflict or dissatisfaction or disappointment…that’s where the truth of them is.
Shona Ruse 5 days ago
It's often said the true refection of a persons character is how they react to adversity, rather than when everything's sunshine & rainbows.
#31
Trying to separate themselves from men in general. Like “most men aren’t like me” or “I would never” type of talk.
#32
When they always seem to have just the right thing to say in the beginning of your relationship - they want what you want, etc.
#33
When they only want men to be masculine and women to be feminine, and judge those who are different from that.
#34
When they speak with obvious compliments that contain veiled negativity. Smiling as they try to take you down
#35
Benevolent sexism and paternalism, the masks of coercive control and hurtful behavior.
#37
Says he only wants female friends to protect them, acts like a nice guy to get close to women, but secretly only collects women he finds attractive to see if any buy into his "I'm a catch, I'm not like other men" persona. Plot twist, he's very much like other men, and worse.
#38
Performative religion, love bombing, and saying they’re a “good guy” and not a traitor
#40
They aren't a "nice guy" in private.
#41
Women in their past relationships broke their heart...cheated on them etc.
Before you know it, the "cute" jealousy starts....but it's disguised as care.
#43
When they are extremely pushy about anything in a passive aggressive manner. The firm no is the trigger.
#44
They never express that they are angry, sad, disappointed. They are always “ok” and “fine” and “good”. These types of nice guys are DANGEROUS because they have made a habit of lying and their code/frequency is stuck at “inauthentic” and that makes them more likely to lie to you, gaslight you and make your authenticity a challenge to their ego.
Andrew Arons 6 days ago
Or maybe they're just private? I'll open up to my wife, but the rest of the world should just mind their own business.
#45
Everyone was charmed by him, but you couldn’t get close to him or form a genuine connection. He was a narcissist.
#46
Claiming to be healed masking suppressed trauma.
David Paterson 6 days ago
A version of that is claiming to have a minor mental illness in order to hide the fact that they have a major mental illness.
#47
Any self proclaimation of good qualities repeatedly. The eyes as well. A lot of “good guys” have dead eyes.
#48
If he ever says "I'll tell you what..." and then offers some minor favor dressed as a major kindness, RUN.
#49
They mask their words as appearing articulate but at the end of the day they are just gaslighting you with lies about who you are to make you feel less than. When you go to someone in a shared circle for help they do not believe you because the man seems so articulate to them.
Bartlet for world domination 6 days ago
On the other hand, thinking carefully about what you want to convey before you say it really does help.
#52
They ask inappropriate personal questions right off the bat. Immediately attempting to test boundaries.
Becky Samuel 6 days ago
Or autistic and not having an innate 'feel' for where the lines are. Everyone is so quick to jump to 'ab user'.
#53
I went on a dinner date once with a guy who said, “I’ll never cheat on you”, out of the blue. I stood up and said “You won’t get a chance” and drove myself home!
#54
The second you feel uncomfortable being yourself around them. The moment you feel yourself having to tone police a word or two or defend an idea with too much veracity. We are on a first date sir! I didn’t think I needed to bring my laptop and a dissertation for proof of my knowledge.
#56
Too polite, kind and sweet to the point of causing diabetes to the other person
#57
Christian anything on bio.
What do you think ?
KitchenToto 6 days ago
I learnt this by watching when friends were treated badly by someone they thought liked them. Personally always had the radar to avoid them. Really sorry for people who had to learn it by experience
David Paterson 6 days ago (edited)
I'm going to add a few more to this. 1) They're romantic. The more romantic a man is in terms of lavishing money on you, the faster you need to run. 2) They're an alcoholic. Don't date drunk unless you plan on never dating the same person again. 3) They stop you from sleeping. Some people will actively grind a partner down by stopping them from sleeping (or eating - think vegan, or showering, or limiting their access to the toilet). 4) Only half of the bad people in this world are men.
Littlemiss 6 days ago
I remember talking to someone online and within 10 conversations over a week they went from polite to over the top to declaration of love. He actually seemed surprised when I called him out.
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KitchenToto 6 days ago
I learnt this by watching when friends were treated badly by someone they thought liked them. Personally always had the radar to avoid them. Really sorry for people who had to learn it by experience
David Paterson 6 days ago (edited)
I'm going to add a few more to this. 1) They're romantic. The more romantic a man is in terms of lavishing money on you, the faster you need to run. 2) They're an alcoholic. Don't date drunk unless you plan on never dating the same person again. 3) They stop you from sleeping. Some people will actively grind a partner down by stopping them from sleeping (or eating - think vegan, or showering, or limiting their access to the toilet). 4) Only half of the bad people in this world are men.
Littlemiss 6 days ago
I remember talking to someone online and within 10 conversations over a week they went from polite to over the top to declaration of love. He actually seemed surprised when I called him out.
Load More Replies...
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