In The Onion’s 2014 satire piece, “Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure,” a simple cinnamon roll is hailed as a gentle creature of sorts. Its mere existence is rather ethereal. After all, the cinnamon roll, The Onion wrote, is “too pure for this world, too perfect.”
“Look at this angelic confection. Never in my life have I laid eyes on such an immaculate swirl, nor glimpsed a crust as delectably golden brown in hue,” exclaimed one awestruck, albeit fictitious, witness of the aforementioned pastry. “Alas, we toil in far too cold and dark a world for such cinnamoned purity as this, such perfection, whose rich, buttery brilliance conjures the divine.”
