In the golden age of social media, back in the days when people wanted attention but didn’t feel like doing their own dental work with a nail file on TikTok, they would get permanent tattoos declaring a sports team would win a championship months in advance of the season taking place.
It was the ultimate guarantee.
Those were simpler times, but sadly the cost of relevance has risen to a point where I’m not comfortable playing ball. If the tattoo trend were still the way to get your boldest sports take out to the masses, though, I may have run to my local parlor and gotten this zapped onto my forearm in the days following the news that Jimmy Garoppolo will miss the remainder of the season with a broken foot: The 49ers are going to win multiple playoff games with Brock Purdy at quarterback. I am certain enough about this, that, at the very least, I would support you, dear reader, in your endeavor to do so (bonus points if you get the phrase “Purdy Neat” in sans serif beneath it).
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