Although it's stationed in Sandusky, Ohio, "Roller Coaster Capital of the World" Cedar Point sits on its own island in Lake Erie, a vaguely Peanuts-themed oasis consciously separated from the mainland. Thrill rides are far from my transportation of choice, as they represent escapism by way of death defiance, and I very much enjoy living. The ridiculously fast speeds, painfully sharp turns, stomach-flipping drops and lack of control kept me far away from the metal beasts for most of my life. As a child, I would stare up at Kingda Ka — the tallest and fastest ride in North America — from my backyard, and I swore I could hear the riders' screams. It sounded more like bloody murder than enjoyment.
At Phoenix Parks, the central hub for demons and fans of schlocky television in Netflix's animated series "Dead End: Paranormal Park" (think Dollywood for a Vincent Price-esque genre actress Pauline Phoenix), the screams may well be actual bloody murder. Walking through the gates, patrons are at the mercy of not just inflated wait times and needlessly expensive concessions, but also possessed mascot costumes, sleep-stealing Night Hags, and egotistical ghosts. Against all odds, it's here that runaway Barney and socially awkward Norma decide to make a home and find their family.
