If you don’t think kangaroos are terrifying, you’re lying to yourself. They’re buff-as-hell Australian mega-rabbits who will drown a dog without a second thought, and can hide anything they want in a freaky little slime-pouch. A baby? A gun? Who knows. Stop asking and just run. Red kangaroos, the largest species, can hop at 35 mph, with a 25-foot jump that can get as high as 10 feet. The biggest males can get up to 200 lbs., like the internet-famous Ripped Roger, who stood 6 feet, 7 inches and is probably on his way to steal your girl right now.
They’ve also got raptor-sharp Freddy Krueger claws geared for gutting opps and gouging eyes. They throw hands with a punch force of about 275 pounds. They can kick you in your chest with 759 pounds of pure, down-under thunder. And when they bite, they come down on you with the same chomping power as a grizzly bear at 925 PSI. There’s a reason a group of them is called a mob.
