Steal my headphones. They were identical to the headphones the company had purchased for him - he just "wanted 2 pairs".

Not me, but my boss.

Boss had to fire a lady in our office because she lost her "marbles" when someone ate her bagel from the fridge. She literally had a tantrum, like a toddler. Also, the girl who ate it, ate it by mistake. She thought it was a bagel from the office breakfast we had earlier that same morning (it was in the same packaging as the office stuff). Now, I absolutely hate it when people eat my lunch, but the girl who ate the bagel profusely apologized. Even stated she would go and buy her a new one right on the spot. But tantrum lady couldn't let it go. So, that ended up being her last night.

Every day at lunch, she would drink roughly half of her Jimmy Johns (or whatever) soda, then take it with her to the bathroom to fill it back up with whiskey. She did a pretty good job covering up the smell, and since she did it from day 1 it wasn't immediately obvious that she was getting drunk.

Found out on day 4 when she knocked her full cup over and we all got punched with the smell of booze in the afternoon.

Hired a girl to work in a bagel store, who on her first day told me she couldn't touch any of the meats because she was vegan.

Had another guy show up for work his first day, was doing just fine, seemed to be good with the job. I went to the office to get some paperwork for him to fill out, and he was just gone. Never came back, didn't steal anything, no explanation at all.

The bad one was had to fire a girl for not showing up for several days in a row, saw in a newspaper the next week that she had been in jail the whole time because she had locked her kids in a closet while she was buying coke.

I had an employee apologize to two different tables for forgetting to put their food order in. They had been waiting like 45 minutes and nothing had been entered into the system.

We looked at the camera system because he had been acting weird all day. After he wrote down their order, he proceeded to go outside and fire up a joint. He was apparently too high to remember to put in the order.

It was his first, and last day.

EDIT: Sorry for the confusion, I meant it was his first day on the floor by himself. He had a week's training before.

Wasn't capable of firing anyone, but I did contract work that occasionally involved training new hires. Light construction was involved, as well as the usage of basic tools like mallets, screwdrivers, tape measures, etc.

Had a guy come in for his first day on a site in Florida. Started showing him and a few others the ropes, and after about an hour, let them at it. Everyone was doing fine and then I notice he's just setting things up without measuring first. I remind him I have several tape measures and a yardstick if he needs it.

Turns out he couldn't read a ruler and didn't think that would be a problem in construction. Its just building, right?


He did not last the week.

I didn't do the firing, but I worked there at the time...

Boss's wife has a friend who needs a job, but has pretty much no qualifications. They figured she could do basic reception work. Boy, were they wrong.

Examples of her struggles:

1. They gave her binders, a 3-hole punch and the stuff that's supposed to go into the binders. Asked her to 3-hole punch the papers and put them in the binders - simple concept. Except, she couldn't work the 3-hole punch. And it's not just that she messed up the first stack - she never figured it out. Some pages had holes right on the edge, so little half-circles were cut off the paper. Some pages had holes along the top. Some pages had one or two holes, because she didn't line up the paper the long way. Some pages had no holes at all and were just tucked into the pockets of the binder. Everything was out of order. Execs from a multi-million dollar account enter the conference room, she passes out binders, and the owners are mortified. She couldn't even work a 3-hole punch to put things into binders.

2. The utility room has a large can for recycled paper. There's a paper shredder in the office that spits shreds into a smaller can. When it's full, you take it to the utility room and dump it into the recycling bin. Simple enough...or not. She decided that instead of taking the small can through the office and to the utility room, she'd take the giant recycling bin to the room with the shredder. It had wheels and a handle so you could tilt it up - like a standard garbage bin that you'd put by the curb would - but instead she dragged it on its side. At one point it she dropped the edge and it spit paper shreds and paper dust everywhere.

3. One Christmas, one of the bosses ordered sets of popcorn tins to send to various businesses around town that were helpful - some real estate agencies they'd worked with, a bank, etc. The popcorn tins are separated into 3 flavors, typically - plain, cheese and caramel. There's a cardboard insert. The receptionist thought this was silly, and went through all the tins and removed the inserts, then mixed the popcorn together. Because everyone wants their caramel popcorn mixed with cheese.

4. We'd get company calendars. Order them in the fall for the following calendar year. This year they got all the order details figured out, and the company sent a sample. You look over the sample, confirm everything looks good, call them up and say to move forward with the order. The receptionist was tasked with the phone call. This is like August of whatever year, so the calendar was for the following year. When the print company stated the project title over the phone, the receptionist was concerned about the year - that's next year! She said to change it to this year. And successfully ordered us a batch of calendars for the last 4 months of the current year, instead of the following year - when we'd hand them out and want to use them.

5. She told us often about these "things" (hand motions!) that come out of the computer monitor like "this" (hand motions!) and do "things" to your body, and cause all kinds of problems. To remedy this situation, she would put a slab of foam on her chair to sit on. Because this repelled the scary computer monitor waves, somehow. Then she started telling clients about the mythical things, too.

6. She mixed the coffee grounds directly into the water instead of using the coffee filter like a normal competent person would do.

7. One of the bosses was out of town when his daughter had an emergency. He asked the secretary to pick his granddaughter up from her school and bring her back to the office until he could get back into town - she'd been there a lot and could pretty much take care of herself once she got there. The secretary went to the school and brought back someone else's child.

8. Boss wanted to buy lunch for the office, asked her to call in the order. She requested drinks and extra salad dressing packets. And forgot to order the actual food. The delivery driver, when questioned, said they had been confused too - but she insisted that was the whole order.

The guy was interviewing for his next job very loudly from his cube all day long. He hadn't even been there a full week. He was telling his interviewer how cr**py it was at this job and how terrible everyone was. This is literally with him surrounded by 50 other employees. When we fired him he cried and said he had no idea why and begged for his job back. Dude was whacked.

Oh, and this was a 50 year old man.

I didn't do the firing, but I watched a co-worker get fired for refusing to sign her annual performance review/goal settings document.

I have to say, my boss did just about everything he could, and at the end of almost 2 solid days of discussion and negotiation, on the third day he told me he said this:

Him: "Is there anything in either of these documents you think is not correct?"

Her answer: "No."

Him: "So will you sign them?"

Her answer: "No."

Him: "I'll have to dismiss you if you won't sign them."

Her answer: "You can't do that."

And she found out the hard way that he could.

Assistant manager at the for an automotive shop. We had a tech that lost his license due to a dui (in a customers car). He ended up getting a place across a field from the shop. Having rained really hard the previous night, we all gathered to watch him cross the field that was now a swamp.

As he walked out his back door, we noticed him stumble. We all figured it was a slippery step. Then we noticed, he was carrying his boots, while wearing socks. As he got half way through the field, he slips, falling flat on his back, in the mud. He got up, and continued his trek. As he reached the parking, his stumble didn't stop. Once inside, he decided the customer waiting room was the best spot to put on his boots, over his wet muddy socks. He sat down, and lifted one foot onto the table, and puked. Without missing a beat, started to put his boot on. As he leaned foward, he passed out flat on the table.

Still drunk, we sent him home. He returned later, to find out he was fired. His first question "why, because I'm late?" He didn't even remember what happened that morning.

a guy at my old job got fired for drawing a d**k on every single rear brake assembly that we made in this 3day period that he was doing it. Apparently a couple hundred of them got onto cars before Honda found out. There is literally a d**k drawn onto a couple hundred brand new Honda CRVs left brake assemblies.

I got fired when I was 15 for going to a maths exam.

I got a call just before the exam started.

"Jolly, you're supposed to be at work. Where are you?"

"... I'm at school. I have an exam. I'm 15, I told you this."


"No, you're meant to be at work. Who am I going to get in now?"


"I don't give a f**k."


"Right, you're fired."


"Okay."




Now AS a manager, I didn't really get to fire anybody over anything weird. But I did fire one girl because she was smoking m**h in the work toilets. Silly girl has a kid now. But at least she's off the pipe.


**EDIT** First off, not British. Australian, get over the extra "s" on math*s*, or I'll start bagging on Americans for excluding a "u" in "colo*u*r".

Secondly, for the people wondering if this is legal - I'm not bothered if it was or not. The fact was, he was asking a High School student to skip an *exam* on a weekday, in the MIDDLE of that day to go work. It's the Manager's responsibility to understand the importance of completion of secondary education, I feel that needs to go without saying. If a Manager is unable to read a sheet of paper telling them what days a teenager has School, then they shouldn't be a Manager in the first place. I didn't book the day off because I had no need to. It's common f*****g sense.

Nurse here, first job was in a nursing home. One resident told me there was a devil in the window and it kept scaring her. I thought dementia. Walked in the room just as a person in a devil mask slammed themselves against the window. I ran outside and tackled them and pulled off the mask a la Scooby Doo. It was one of the CNAs. He thought that giving her a heart attack would be fair retribution for her being a little cranky when he took vital signs. Fired him on the spot even though I didn't have the authority to do so. It stuck.

She sent us a text that she was skipping her shift to do c*****e. She then sent us a text immediately afterward that the previous text was meant for someone else and she was resigning.

EDIT: Since so many people have been asking:

1. She had been late or skipped shifts many times before, this was not her first offense.

2. She was a known heavy drinker, and had m[ent]ioned other d***s before.

3. She was not a clever person.

Sister had to fire my aunt. She got her a job at a call center for a cable provider. Aunt decided she didn't want to work for a few days, called in and said her husband died. Sister found out when co workers were pooling money to send flowers...It did not end well. Uncle never knew he died!

When I was 17 I worked at Wendy's and one night one of my coworkers had a really bad asthma attack in the back room... the manager insisted that no one call for an ambulance because the company would be liable, after about 10 minutes of this girl gasping for breath on the floor I picked her up and took her to the ER where they gave her a shot of something to fix it... when I got back to work they fired me for leaving during my shift... I didn't even fight it that was the worst job I've ever had.

In the 1990s I was managing the snowmaking department and supervised the crew for a popular ski resort. We worked 7pm - 7 am and by our first break (about 10pm) everything in our area was closed so you had to bring your lunch, snacks or anything else or you were up s**t creek.

We had a new hire named Nino who was a huge Samoan guy. Nino was a d**n hard worker when he wasn't drunk. He showed up several times completely trashed and I'd send him home. (employee housing which was within crawling distance) This really didn't bother me because we had a b****s crew and the slack was easily picked up.

Sometimes it was more trouble than it was worth having him there because of the crazy s**t he would do. Once, he drained a water line that held about 7500 gallons right onto the middle of a popular intermediate run. It was 6am when I discovered the massive glacier he had created. I had to go get a grooming cat and attempt to break it up before we opened. I roped off the area and finished clearing the ice at about 11am, well after opening. I covered for his a*s because I felt bad for him and told the hill manager that it was a busted hose that caused it. This was strike 1 for him.

Strike 2 was when he decided it would be ok to try clean the inside of every grooming cat interior with lemon pledge. Seats, hand controls and all, including the windows. It took 3 hours to clean up that waxy, hazy s**t.

Strike 3 was one of the most W*F incidents I have ever seen in the workplace. Nino showed up for work sober for once but started asking if anyone had any food. He hasn't been to the store and had nothing in his shack in employee housing. At lunch (midnightish) he was nowhere to be found and didn't show up when the break was over. We chalked it up to him going somewhere to get drunk.

At about 4am I'm the only snowmaker near the main lodge at the bottom of the mountain when I hear an explosion somewhere near one of the chairlifts. I head towards where I heard this explosion and it was not a pop. Or a bang. It was a window shattering, car alarm tripping explosion. As I near the area where I heard this blast come from I see the flashlights from the security guards waving in all directions. I get to the chairlift and see this large naked man covered in what looks like s**t and blood is flowing from his face. As I dismount my snowmobile I realize its Nino. He's standing there naked and badly hurt. He starts screaming at me to help as he covers his face. There are f*****g chili beans everywhere. I see the security guards running towards us and I'm on my radio with first aid getting the emts on the way.

I'm trying to look at Nino and calm him down. His face is a mess of blood, glass chili beans and a corn chip shaped piece of sheet metal embedded in the side of his head. The security guys are here now and they're as bewildered as I am. We get Nino down to the day lodge deck where we lay him down on a rubber door mat. Emts show up and get him packaged for transport.

As I go to leave the day lodge I notice there are chili beans all over the place, little clusters here and there, chili beans on the roof, windows and peppered all over the snow. I follow the intensity of the bean blast to the main chairlift nearest the lodge.

The "lift shack" which is the indoor control room for thar chairlift (for you non skiers/boaders out there) looks like it had been b**bed. This isn't some old 1950s plywood lift shack either, this is a multi million dollar high speed quad "lift shack". The windows are gone. The door is hanging on by only it's lower hinge. Chili beans everywhere. And blood. It smelled like Taco Bell and burnt electronics. That fried amp smell, with cheese. The control panel is missing knobs and LCD panels are shattered. The 3x5" aluminum window frame was blown out and laying on the ground in the loading area of the lift. Whatever happened here was big.

The lift was shut down until they could repair it. I went to visit Nino at a nearby hospital. He tells me it goes down like this:

He was looking for food so He went to he lodge and found a can of chili beans by the kitchen loading dock. Nino couldn't get in to cook them so he decides to go to the liftshack and see if they had a microwave in there (which many did). His clothes were wet so He turned on the heater and hung his clothes up to get dry while He ate.
There wasn't a microwave in there but finds an old space heater. This was a 1970s exposed element (like a toaster) heater. I had used it myself hundreds of times in the past and it kicked a*s. Well Nino turns the heater onto its back and places the 3 GALLON can of chili beans on it, apparently unopened.
Nino plops his naked a*s into one of the chairs as his beans cook and his clothes dry.

Nino falls asleep.

Chili beans everywhere. He can't hear, his eyes are swollen shut and he has a piece of metal in his head. He then tells me he didn't know where he was or how he got there. He said he couldn't even remember who he was. Nino must have been out for a minute because it took me a couple to get to him and he was still in Narnia when I approached him that night.

I didn't really have to fire him. I don't think I legally could under the circumstances anyways. Nino never came back. He left all his s**t in his employee shack and didn't even come to pick up his last check.

TL:DR - Almost d***h by chili beans.

Snowmaker falls asleep naked in a lift shack with the heater on and a huge can of unopened chili beans on it. Chili beans explode and demolishes chairlift control room and almost ends naked snowmaker with shrapnel/concussion. (Snowmaker had disrobed to dry his wet clothes.).

We had a guy at one of the bases I went to get medically discharged (psych problems) for bouncing an imaginary basketball all the time. And I mean all. The. Time. Sitting in the break room? Dribbling it. Walking to his vehicle? Bouncing it with him. On the computer? Yup. They even had someone "spy" on him when he was home alone. Sure enough, he was dribbling that imaginary ball. So long story short, he ended up getting medically retired. On his last day, he shot the ball into the trash can and said, "guess I don't need that anymore." Dude was faking the whole time, for almost two years, just to get med boarded and get out.

I was fired from a dog kennel for unknowingly playing with a wolf.

She thought I knew it was a wolf and I was being a reckless teenager.

Back in 2009 I had a roommate I am going to call Kate she as a nurse at plastic surgeons office. She had several issues and was a very convincing pathological liar. I knew this but we had lived for about a year and got along well enough. I just knew not to believe her most of the time.

Anyway, one night I was watching Lost when she came out of her bedroom and said she was going to the store to meet a guy. She was wearing jeans and a hoodie. I was watching TV and didn't think much about it. I just said be careful and let it go. I ended up going to bed around midnight and she hadn't returned home yet. I just assumed she had hooked up with that guy. Not her normal thing, but not unheard of. Just after I turned off the light there was a knock on my door. I got up thinking Kate had just lost her keys or something. I went downstairs in just my boxers and T-shirt and when I opened the door there were two uniformed police officers standing there. Then the questions started.

Cop: "Who are you" Me: " I am Astelan101. I own this place."

Cop: "Kate told us she owned this place and didn't live with anyone. Is that your cat?" Me: "Uh, I bought his place in 2006 and have owned that cat since 2004. What is going on?"

Cop: "Kate was attacked tonight and she is at the hospital." Me: "Omg! Is she okay?"

Cop: "Can we come in?" Me: " Uh, yeah. Come in." Now days, I probably wouldn't agree without a search warrant, but things were different around here back then.

They came in and asked where her bedroom was. I pointed it out and one of them when in while the other stayed in the living room with me. The first cop came out of her room and went into her bathroom and was poking around. After they had been there for about half an hour, they finally started telling me what was happening.

Kate told them that someone had attacked her and sliced open her stomach and then dumped her at the emergency room. After being questioned a bit, she had claimed her date attacked her and had dumped her at the door, but wouldn't tell them who.

At this point there were a total of 6 cops in my condo, going in and out of her room, and I was still in my boxers, I asked if I could go upstairs and put on some pants. They agreed but one of them had to go with me. While up there, he checked my tub, sink, towels, and dirty laundry to see if there was any blood.

After getting dressed and heading downstairs I realized I had acquired 2 more cops and a detective. She told me the story had changed and now Kate was claiming it was a med student from the local University that was trying to become a doctor. He was trying to remove a large scar that went the entire way across her stomach. He had hit something and then left her at the hospital. She talked to her partner and now it was she drove herself. The hospital was having fits because they thought a student was practicing surgery. Also at this point they are carrying stuff out of her room in paper bags.

Que 14 cops and 2 detectives in my condo. And then I finally get the whole story.

Kate had stolen scalpels, bandaging, packing materials, and meds to perform surgery on herself. She had injected herself with local anesthetics and had taken a handful or barbiturates. She had cut herself open starting just below her ribs on the left side. Decided she didn't like the angel so packed the wound and tried again a bit lower and more horizontal. She had apparently nicked something that shouldn't be cut and started bleeding. She got dressed and drove herself to the hospital that was about 3 minutes away. She had lied to the hospital staff and cops when they arrived.

The cops hauled out all the supplies she had used along with a ton of meds she had stolen. Nothing that would get you high, just stuff that would enable her to do the surgery. When they left they told me I would have to hire someone to clean up the blood.

At that point it was 5 am and they left. I had been up since 6 am in the morning before. I drove to the hospital to see her cause I was still in panic mode. I was eventually allowed to see her and she held my hand but wouldn't say anything. They kicked me out around 7 so I went home and showered and came back. At 8 am I was told she didn't want to see me, but I stayed anyway. About an hour later I was told that they were committing her to a local mental hospital.

No knowing what to do I went into work. I was there about an hour before my nerves finally broke and I told my boss what had happened and he sent me home. I went to Wal-Mart and picked up some heavy duty gloves and a large plastic container and went home to do some clean up. I was lucky and almost everything was contained to her comforter. I gathered that up, her sheets, and her... lets call it stomach material in the box (for the record, I couldn't eat chicken for months). I took it to my parents place to burn.

Finally making it back home, I laid down on the couch to sleep around 1 pm. At this point I had been up for 31 hours and 13 of that under stress. Just as I dozed off I got a call from Kate. They were releasing her from the mental hospital and needed me to pick her up at 3. I wasn't happy but I did it. As we were driving home she told me that she had convinced the doctors she had a mental breakdown from body issues, no food, and too many diet pills so they let her go. Given that I had dinner with her that night.. a large one at that, it was obvious she had lied to them,

In the following days Kate mostly stayed on the couch since she had been fired from her job and didn't feel up to going anywhere. I finally kicked her out about three weeks later after she disappeared for two days. I didn't want to deal with it. She left her bed and owing me about $800 for back rent. I never talked to her again. I do still have a copy of the incident report.

A few months ago, someone that had know us both asked me about her and I decided to look her up. She didn't have a Facebook profile, but I could see where she was on her third last name. I should have stopped at this point, but curiosity.... The third last name led me to a website where I could see she was looking for a hookup while in prison. Her picture was attached to the ad so I knew it was her. She was in prison for credit card fraud, identity theft, resisting arrest, and about four other non-minor charges I can't think of right now.

TLDR: in less than 24 hours my roommate gutted herself, was questioned by the police, committed to mental hospital, and released. She was in prison several years later with a host of charges.