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They say that laughter is the best medicine, and nothing feels as good as laughing at yourself.
That’s the spirit behind this collection of 46 fat jokes with the best intentions at heart.
These funny fat jokes aren’t designed to shame, insult, or stereotype but to playfully lighten the mood and remind us that humor is universal.
This is a safe, open space where everyone is included. Even better, you get to join the fun and vote for the jokes that get the biggest laughs.
From stand-up comedy bits and pop culture references to foodie puns and self-deprecating comedy, let us know what tickles your funny bone.
From self-deprecating one-liners and funny fat jokes that punch up rather than down, to the kind of chubby humor that gets the whole room laughing - these are the best fat jokes, ranked by you.
So, get comfortable, grab some snacks, and dive into this playful list. You might just find your new favorite joke.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Although I was only a few pounds overweight, my wife kept nagging me to go on a diet.
One evening, we took a brisk walk around town, and I surprised her by leapfrog-jumping over a parking meter.
Pleased with myself, I said, “How many fat men do you know who can do that?”
“One,” she retorted.
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#2
A woman caught her husband on the weighing scale, sucking in his stomach.
“That won’t help you, Gary,” she said.
“Oh, it helps a lot,” he replied. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers!”
#3
My doctor told me to stop having family dinners for four, unless there are three other people with me.
#4
I went to the doctor and asked what the best exercise was for weight loss.
He said, “Just shake your head”.
“How often?” I asked.
“Whenever someone offers you food!”
#5
I used to think that the dryer was shrinking my clothes.
Turns out it was the refrigerator.
#6
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench, eating six bars of chocolate.
An old man walked up and noticed Johnny devouring the candy.
“Son,” the man said, “eating too much candy isn’t good for you”.
“My grandfather lived to be 100,” Johnny replied.
“Did he eat six chocolate bars a day too?” The man asked.
“No,” said Johnny. “He minded his own business.”
Bi.Felicia 7 months ago
Next thing ya know, little Johnny got cuffed up on the side of his head.
#7
Thanks to their healthy lifestyle, a married couple lives well over 100.
One day, they’re both tragically killed and go to Heaven. On the first day, they ask God where the gym is.
“Gym?” God replies. “We don’t have a gym here. You’ll never get fat even if you never exercise”.
That evening, they asked God where they could find a healthy restaurant for dinner.
God says, “We don’t have healthy restaurants. Here, you can eat as much as you want and never get fat!”
Suddenly, the husband snaps and yells at his wife, “You see? If you hadn’t forced me to lose all that weight, I could’ve been here 40 years earlier!”
#8
They say that you should never go food shopping when you’re hungry.
But it’s been over a week now, and every day I just get hungrier.
#9
My mate Joe has lost a ton of weight on the new Dolly Parton diet.
It’s made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean.
#10
A British man and his wife join a weight loss club. They’re told to try to lose as many pounds as they can by next week.
One week later, they return, and their mentor asks them how much they lost.
“I lost 10 pounds,” says the wife.
The mentor is thrilled. “That’s amazing! And you?” He points at the husband.
“Well, I actually gained 10 pounds,” he replies.
“That’s not good at all,” says the mentor. “What happened?”
“I bet my wife a tenner that she wouldn’t lose any weight this week.”
#11
Two men were arguing about who was the more polite.
The smaller man said he was more polite because he always offered his seat to a lady.
But the larger man knew he was more courteous because when he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
Fat Jokes That Actually Land
#12
A distraught woman went to the local police station to report her husband as missing. Her next-door neighbor went with her for support.
She said, “He is 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has an athletic build, and is kind to our children”.
The neighbor protested, “Your husband is 57, 5 foot 7, overweight, and is mean to your children”.
The wife replies, “Yes, but who wants him back?”
#14
A very heavy blonde went to a weight loss clinic to get some advice.
The doctor told her to eat what she normally ate for three days and then skip a day. He promised that she would lose at least 5 pounds in a month.
She came back four weeks later, 30 pounds lighter! The surprised doctor asked her how she felt.
The blonde said, “I’m so sore and tired. My muscles ache all over!”
Confused, the doctor asked, “From not eating?”
“No,” the blonde replied. “From skipping.”
Final score:
6points
Lee Gilliland 7 months ago
Why are there so many blonde jokes? Brunettes have nothing better to do on Saturday night.
#15
A woman takes her very overweight cat to the vet.
The vet picks up the cat, examines its teeth, then its eyes, and then its ears.
“I’m sorry,” she says, “but I’m going to have to put your cat down”.
“Oh no!” Cries the woman. “Is it because he’s so fat?”
“Yes,” replies the vet. “My arms are getting tired.”
#16
I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.
It was advertised as a "school reunion.”
Who said numbers can’t be funny? These math jokes prove that equations and punchlines make the perfect formula for laughter.
Check out even more clever humor and wordplay in our ultimate humor hub.
#18
An overweight guy decides to go to a fitness club to sign up to lose weight.
After signing up, the fitness coach asks him to go home and be ready early in the morning.
The next morning, his doorbell rings. He opens the door and standing there is a super hot girl.
She tells him, “If you can catch me, I’m all yours”.
Still stunned, the guy nods and tries to catch her, but he is nowhere near fit enough. This goes on for a few months where everyday the girl comes to his place and he tries to catch her.
The man is motivated to work out more and decides to upgrade to premium membership. His doorbell rings the next day and he rushes to open it.
A huge, buff man is standing outside, and he says, “I was told if I can catch you, you’re all mine.”
#19
I know that skinny jeans are the fashion…
But at my current weight, I simply can’t pull them off!
Bi.Felicia 7 months ago
Also why is dam near every shirt on the rack, a crop top? Not everyone feels comfortable showing off their tummy, regardless of size.
Fat Jokes Everyone Has Lived Through
#20
I told my doctor, “Every day I wake up, I look in the mirror and I want to throw up. What’s wrong with me?”
He said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect” (Rodney Dangerfield)
Ugh, do I have to? 7 months ago (edited)
She was convinced that she was anorexic because when she looked in the mirror she did indeed see a fat person…
#21
Mark is telling his friend John about something that happened recently.
“A millionaire saw my wife and told me that he would pay her weight in gold”.
Mark can’t believe it. “What did you say?”
“I asked him if he could wait a month,” John says.
“So you can think about it?”
“No,” says John, “so I have time to make her fat.”
#22
A wife comes home one day and tells her overweight husband, “I’ve bought you a new weight loss tape”.
The husband says, “We don’t have a tape recorder, how am I going to use it?”
The wife replies, “It goes over your mouth.”
#24
I’m on the seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
#25
A mother was trying to teach her 5-year-old son about healthy eating habits. He had a sweet tooth, and she told him that eating too much junk food would make him fat.
Later that day, they were in line at the bank, and a pregnant lady with a visible baby bump was standing behind them.
Remembering the conversation about eating too much, the boy turned around with a smirk on his face and announced to the lady: “I know what you’ve been doing!”
#26
Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago to lose some weight.
His wife proposed that they should have one cheat day.
She brought home McDonald's, KFC, and Burger King, and Bob brought home his secretary.
For humor that's a little more risqué, our dirty jokes collection is packed with one-liners that push the envelope further.
#27
Two days into my diet, and I've removed all of the junk food from my house.
It was delicious.
The Ones That Make You Laugh At Yourself
#28
My wife signed us both up for a marathon. I said, "Honey, I can't run 26 miles." She said, "It's fine, they have water stations every mile." I said, "Will they have snacks?" She hasn't spoken to me since. I finished the chips though.
#30
What is a group of chubby newborns called?
Heavy infantry.
#31
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
#32
My wife commented that I was getting rather chubby and round.
I said, “No worries, dear, I’ll bounce back.”
#33
The doctor told me to lose some weight.
I asked, “How?”
He said, “Don’t eat anything fatty.”
As I left, I said, “Thank you, Doctor.”
And he replied, “You’re welcome, Fatty.”
#37
“I grew up in Malden. Genetically, I was born to be as close to Kelly’s Roast Beef as possible” (John Pinette)
#39
A little boy sits next to a pregnant woman on a park bench.
He asks, “Why do you look so fat?”
She replies, “I have a baby inside me”.
The boy thinks for a moment, then asks, “Is it a good baby?”
“Yes,” the pregnant woman says.
“Then why did you eat it?!”
Fat Jokes That Go There
#40
I am on a strict diet of 1,200 calories per day.
Luckily, the doctor didn’t say anything about the nights!
#43
I burned 2,000 calories yesterday.
That’s the last time I take a nap with brownies in the oven!
#48
A woman goes to the doctor because she is struggling to lose weight.
She tells the doctor that she has tried all kinds of diets and exercise programs, but nothing seems to be working.
The doctor says, “Don’t worry, I have a special remedy. Just eat a small piece of sesame cracker with unsweetened tea three times a day for a month. Then check in with me again”.
A month later, the woman comes back even larger than before.
When the doctor asks if she followed his advice, she says, “Yes, I took the cracker and tea three times a day before every meal!”
#49
I have a love-hate relationship with my scale.
It loves to remind me of my weight, and I hate its honesty.
Jokes About Being Fat That Only True Snack Lovers Will Get
#58
I told my nutritionist I eat like a bird. She said, "A bird eats half its body weight every day." She wasn't wrong.
Fat Jokes For When You Need A Quick Laugh
#61
The worst part about being on a diet? Watching everyone else enjoy food while you sit there doing math.
#63
My nutritionist said I need to cut back on bacon, eggs, and cheese. I said, "What's left?" She said, "Depression."
#64
I asked my trainer which exercises help reduce belly fat. He said, "Burpees." I said, "Excuse me." He said, "Exactly - keep doing those."
#66
My wife said I should cut out the midnight snacks. I didn't cut them out. I just moved them to 11:59.
#67
My doctor told me jogging could add ten years to my life. He was right - I feel ten years older already.
#68
I joined a gym and told the trainer I wanted to lose weight fast. He said, "Stand on one leg." I said, "Will that help?" He said, "No, but I can charge you half price."
#69
My doctor said I need to watch my sodium. Now I only eat chips while watching TV - technically, I'm watching.
The Doctor Said What? More Fat Jokes
#70
I asked my doctor how long I had to live.
He said, "Ten."
I said, "Ten what - years, months?"
He started counting: "Nine… eight…"
#71
My gym has two types of people: those who know what they're doing, and me, staring at a machine like it insulted my mother.
#72
I haven't been to the gym in so long that my membership card expired. The card is in better shape than I am.
#73
The doctor told me swimming was great exercise. So I drove to the pool, watched other people swim for an hour, and went home. I feel amazing.
#74
I asked the gym instructor how long I should work out. He said, "That depends - how long have you been ignoring it?" I said, "Three years." He said, "Start with thirty minutes."
#77
They say money can't buy happiness. But it can buy snacks, which is basically the same thing.
#78
I told my friend I was reading a book on anti-gravity. He said, "Is it good?" I said, "I can't put it down." Neither can I put down the sandwich I'm holding.
#79
My body is a temple. Unfortunately, it's one of those ancient ones that's falling apart and attracts tourists.
Fat Jokes That Hit A Little Too Close
#81
My doctor said I need to watch my weight. So I bought a scale with a screen. Now I watch it every day deliver bad news.
#82
People say I have a big heart. They also say I have a big everything else, but I'm focusing on the heart part.
#84
I finally found a diet that works: worrying. I've lost three pounds this week just from anxiety alone.
#85
My relationship with the fridge is complicated. I open it, stare for two minutes, close it, open it again - hoping something new appeared.
One More Round Of Fat Jokes
#90
I set a reminder to go to the gym. My phone said, "Reminder dismissed." That's basically the same as going.
#91
My pants fit perfectly in the store. By the time I get home, they've somehow shrunk in the car.
#92
I don't stress eat. I celebrate eat, comfort eat, bored eat, and bored-while-stressed eat. Different categories.
#93
My fitness tracker said I burned 300 calories. Then I looked at what I ate and realized I need a second fitness tracker just to keep up.
#94
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you." The man whispers back, "I knew it." Then he ate the bookmark. It was a bad week.
#95
A husband tells his wife: "I think I'm addicted to Twitter." Wife says: "Sorry, I don't follow you." Husband says: "Nobody does. That's the problem. Now pass the chips."
#96
A man attends a weight-loss seminar. The speaker says, "The enemy is inside you." The man nods slowly. He had eaten a very large lunch.
#97
A woman asks her husband, "Does this dress make me look fat?" He says, "Does this answer make me look stupid?"
#98
A man walked into a bar. He ordered a beer, some nachos, two plates of wings, and a diet soda. "The diet soda is for the weight," he explained to the bartender. The bartender nodded. He'd seen worse logic.
#99
My personal trainer asked me what my goal weight was. I said, "I want to be light enough that the scale says 'one at a time, please.'" He said that wasn't how scales worked. I said, "Have you met my scale?"
#100
A doctor tells a patient, "You need to lose 40 pounds." The patient says, "Can I get a second opinion?" The doctor says, "Sure - you also need a haircut."
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What do you think ?
Gordon Guitar 7 months ago
It's a good collection, Thalia . Some old chestnuts in there but they were all funny. Thanks, Thalia.
Lee Gilliland 7 months ago
Not bad. You gotta have a sense of humor or the world's k**l you. Wait, it's going to anyway.
Gordon Guitar 7 months ago
It's a good collection, Thalia . Some old chestnuts in there but they were all funny. Thanks, Thalia.
Lee Gilliland 7 months ago
Not bad. You gotta have a sense of humor or the world's k**l you. Wait, it's going to anyway.
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