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INSANE: Things dads should know raising daughters - The Real Truth
Interview With Expert
Dads raising daughters are, statistically, doing their best. Girl dads have a reputation for being fiercely devoted, which is beautiful and lovely and also sometimes not quite enough when your daughter is 13 and being A LOT.
An online community recently asked women to share the things they wish their dads had known about raising a girl, and the thread is equal parts heartwarming, hilarious, and quietly devastating. Some of it is practical. Some of it is emotional. All of it is worth reading, especially if you are currently a dad who just Googled "is this a normal amount of crying."
More info: Reddit
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#1
Praise her for her achievements, her character, her efforts, especially when they don't yield the expected results... The world is obsessed about looks, she needs to know she's not just what she looks like.
Chrystina Sumpter 17 hours ago
Intelligence and education was always emphasized in my home growing up. I was also told I was pretty, but it wasn’t emphasized. Anyway, my self-image and self-esteem were based upon being smart and competent. I have friends that, although they are extremely intelligent, talented and capable, were raised by parents who focused a lot on their physical attributes. Getting older hit them a LOT harder because more of their identity was based on looks. After all, I may have grey hair and wrinkles but I’m still smart and competent.
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#2
Show her how a man should treat a women, be there for her, listen and learn to do hair it sound silly but you will be her hero for simply doing that.
KatSaidThat 19 hours ago
Sit for a make over, wear the tutu, got to the movies dressed like a princess.
#3
Do not raise her to be afraid of her body. After pregnancy + 2 kids I’m still uncomfortable with my body due to the way I was raised.
Nobody sits dads down before they leave the hospital and explains that a significant portion of raising a daughter involves logistics that require actual research. Hair, for example, is not self-explanatory. You cannot approach a child with a brush like you're sanding a deck. There are YouTube tutorials. Watch them. Your daughter's hairline will thank you.
Then there's laundry, which sounds simple until you've shrunk three bras in a row and nobody explained that underwire and a hot dryer are mortal enemies. But maybe dad will learn his lesson after replacing them all and seeing that credit card bill.
Women on the thread emphasized that a daughter needs to know that you take her everyday needs seriously enough to learn the basics. The practical stuff isn't glamorous, but getting it right is one of the quietest and most powerful ways a dad can show up. It’s more than the occasional “you’re doing great, sweetie!”
#4
Just buy her the tampons and don't be embarrassed about it. My dad raised my sister and I alone after we lost mom when I was 11 and he was always so weird about this - MEN, it's not a big deal!!! The cashier knows it's not for you LOL
Edit: I just want to make clear that my dad is not a bad person to some of the comments I've been receiving. He always did his best and we made it through this stage just like any other and I'd like to think I learned a lot from it.
Scott Rackley 14 hours ago
I never understood this. I live alone but there are menstrual products in my bathroom. I even went and got them for my sisters when they were out. It's only a piece of cotton.
#5
Don't be too overprotective. How long can you protect her? One day she'll be on her own and she'll not know how to. Teach her how to be independent instead. To do things on her own. Teach her self-defense. Teach her to be safe.
Edit: I'm glad to hear that y'all share similar views. Wish my dad did that haha. Too late anyway. I'm so happy that all of your daughters would learn to be independent atleast.
Chrystina Sumpter 17 hours ago
My granddaughter is 4 and both her parents encourage her to be independent. It truly makes my heart swell when she, confronted with something new, bravely goes forward, while reaching a hand back to just touch her daddy to make sure he’s there if she needs him. And he always is.
#6
Don’t tell her off for crying. My dad would always shout at me for crying and it always felt (still does) like a terrible thing to do. I find it hard now to process my emotions and feel 100x worse whenever I do cry as it’s something I shouldn’t do
The most common thing women in this thread said is that they simply wanted their dad to just listen. Not fix, not advise, not immediately launch into solution mode the second something went wrong. Just sit with them in it. A few boyfriends could learn that lesson too…
Dr. Justin Coulson puts it plainly when he says that "connection is the question, but connection is also the answer." A daughter who knows her dad will listen without judgment is a daughter who will actually come to him when it matters.
Respecting her privacy is part of that same foundation. Knocking before entering, not reading her diary; these aren't small things. They're the building blocks of trust, and trust is the only currency that actually matters in this relationship. A daughter who feels respected in her own space is building the internal evidence that she is worthy of respect everywhere else, too.
#7
No matter the gender, if you want your child to be your friend as an adult, treat them with respect as a child.
Children are children. They don’t understand the world. They will be emotional. Often times. Girls can be the extremes of this. But if you belittle her, refuse to understand what she is trying to tell you and don’t respect her interests, you will hear from her maybe once a month after she turns 18.
Understanding children is hard. Understanding the opposite gender is hard. But making an effort to learn and listen helps you manage both and be a wonderful, understanding dad. You don’t have to agree, but just understand where your child is coming from.
#8
Don't force your daughter to interact physically (hug, kiss, or be hugged, kissed, or touched by) even your most well-meaning relatives and friends. Kids, especially girls, need to know that it's ok to have physical boundaries and that it's OK to enforce your own even if there isn't a good "reason.".
#9
Please don’t be super grossed out if you see a pad or something. Every girl will get a period and most will get it fairly young, like 10 or 11 or 12. That means that she is still a child and you might just have to go buy her pads. It will really make your daughter sad if she works up the courage to say “dad I think I got my period” and you go “ew gross”. She needs someone to talk to when she first gets it and that someone might be you. ALSO some cramps can be so so painful, like vomiting/crying painful, so don’t tell your daughter to “deal with it”.
Edit: just in case some people don’t know, women cannot hold periods. It’s not like pee. It comes when it wants to and it will not stop.
Most dads don’t want to hear this, but periods happen. They will happen to your daughter, probably when she's at school or at your house or somewhere equally inconvenient, and how you react in that moment will stay with her for a very long time. This is not the moment to give her a high five or throw her a First Moon Party!
To better understand the right way to handle it, Bored Panda reached out to Vilmantė Markevičienė, founder of period care brands Gentle Day and Genial Day. "When a father uses correct terms like period, pads, or tampons instead of whispered code words, he removes the layer of shame that often surrounds a girl’s first cycles," she says.
"If a father approaches periods with respect and curiosity rather than disgust or dismissal, he builds a foundation of body autonomy and self-trust that she will carry into every future relationship." Basically, you are actively shaping what she believes she is allowed to need, ask for, and never be ashamed of. Just. Be. Cool. Freak out in private if you must.
#10
How you treat her and her mom is how she will expect to be treated by her partner when she’s older.
#11
Do not put bras or underwear in the dryer (single dad to now college age dryer)
EDIT.....college age daughter, not college age dryer (but the dryer is 20 years old as well).
#12
After you wash her hair, if you have to comb it, start at the bottom and work up... don't start at the top and muscle through the knots!
"She's just hormonal" is one of the most damaging things a dad can say, and it gets said constantly. When a girl's emotions are dismissed as a byproduct of her cycle, it is invalidating, but it also teaches her something deeply corrosive about her own mind. Our expert, Vilmantė Markevičienė, says that this is "a form of emotional gaslighting that deeply damages her self-trust."
"Instead of exploring the root cause of her feelings—like a crossed boundary or a genuine grievance—she is taught to blame her biology. This creates a lasting internal conflict where she starts to second-guess her own instincts, wondering if her anger is valid or simply a hormonal 'glitch.' It essentially tells her that her mind is unreliable whenever her body is functioning naturally."
Girls learn that their voice only counts when it's convenient for the people around them. Your daughter's emotions deserve to be taken seriously on every day of the month, full stop. If she's upset, something upset her. Start there.
#13
Treat her like a fully capable human being, and absolutely don't infantilize her (unless she's an actual infant).
Don't grow posessive. No scaring off boyfriends s**t, unless they absolutely deserve it.
Don't shame her for liking girly, "superficial" things AND for masculine things.
Teach her how to fight and defend herself.
Treat it as normal if she gets a girlfriend.
#14
Never joke about their weight. My step dad did this and i still hate myself because i thought thats what everyone thought even when he apologized later.
Smeghead Tribble Down Under 18 hours ago
From the time I was 13 I was a ''fkn fat lazy little bit.ch'', according to the male parent. I was nowhere near lazy. It still hurts to remember and I'm now 45.
#15
Haven't seen anyone say this, and it works for both guys and girls:
Don't make your kids finish everything on their plate. If they say they're not hungry/they're full, don't make them keep eating.
It creates bad eating habits as an adult. Your child's body knows how much food it needs.
The women in this thread weren't asking for perfection. They weren't asking for dads who had every answer or who never got it wrong. They just wanted to feel like they weren't a mystery their dad had given up trying to solve. The details matter, yes. But underneath all of it is just a daughter who wants to know that her dad is genuinely, curiously, consistently interested in who she is.
The bar for being a great girl dad is not actually that high, which is both reassuring and slightly concerning, given how many women in this thread had to spell it out from scratch. But the fact that you're reading this at all means you're already ahead.
The dads who needed this article the most are not currently on Reddit looking for ways to do better. You are. And that, more than any perfectly executed bra-on-a-gentle-cycle laundry situation, is exactly the kind of dad your daughter is going to brag about.
If period "problems" is what makes your dad bod break out in a cold sweat, don't freak out! Genial Day has put together some fabulous Care Kits that will ensure your daughter is stocked up and covered (for up to 6 months!). So you can breathe a sigh of relief, at least until your next trip to Sephora.
Are there any need-to-know tips you think girl dads need to see ASAP? Share them in the comments!
#16
Don't stick to gender stereotypes when teaching them things. I've learned how to use power tools and build things and I'm actually a carpenter and I enjoy all of it. Just because they're "boy" things doesn't mean a girl won't need them in her life and she may actually enjoy doing them.
Huddo's sister 21 hours ago
When I was about 9 or 10, my dad got toolboxes for Christmas, not just for my brother, but for me too. I loved it and I think I used it more than my brother did.
#17
Don't treat her like she's a precious, delicate flower. The world won't and she will have a hard time learning that when she's older. Same with boys, don't treat them like they are indistructable. Some day they will want to feel vulnerable and won't think they have a right to do so.
#18
Give her money when she goes out. She shouldn't be expecting for someone else to pay for her meal.
Mr. Jones 17 hours ago
Oh we always had jobs. Male and female in my family. Every one of us kids was working by the time we were 12 or 13. Mainly in family businesses and it was the 70s and 80s, but my sister, brothers and I made enough money as teenagers that we never had to ask our parents for money or have someone pay for us.
#19
She will date and experiment in highschool, but as long as she has a gentleman dad, she'll end up making good decisions.
#20
She will get periods and her mood will be awful! Deal with it, don't make her feel bad. She can't help it. As she grows up she'll learn how to cope with it, but at the moment it's the worst thing ever.
Cup of tea, chocolate, pads/tampons and a hug if she allows it. Just let her be the monster she is for a week.
And never ever say, when she's having a strop, "is it time of the month?" - whether it is or isn't, this is never an appropriate thing to say to a woman!
Source: my dad was/is a star when it comes to that time. I was a very lucky teenager to have an understanding father.
Speak easy buttercup 19 hours ago
I cant lie I was scared to déath that my youngest daughter(I have a daughter 12 years older than my youngest) would be with me when she started her first period because I was afraid i wouldn't know how to act and would mess her up ya know?! Luckily she was with my ex wife, who is an amazing mother when it happened! And even tho she was 10(which shocked me! I was NOT prepared for her to start at that age so im extra glad she was with her mother!) She handled like a champ and to be honest i should have expected that cause my daughter is a rock star! She turned 11 a few days ago and we are celebrating this weekend by having a horror/comedy B movie marathon! 😎😎😎
#21
Don't start acting as though she will turn into a raging monster the second she hits puberty. It's a weird expectation to have placed on you. On that note, don't blame everything she feels on her hormones. Don't lose your s**t when she starts needing a bra. She has breasts now. So what? A father freaking out or being weird about it will just complicate how she feels even more. If mom can't take her shopping, have her sized, take her to a store, get her a fitting room. Done. Don't make her feel weird or bad about needing one. Also, it isn't hard to have her sized. My store won't size you, but they will teach girls how to do so properly and provide you with a room, measuring tape, and advice.
#22
There is nothing wrong or dirty about talking openly about things like periods. Learn about things like this so you can be helpful and informative to her when she needs you.
also don’t be the dad who refuses to buy his daughter pads/tampons because it’s “weird” (know someone who’s dad straight up refused all the time because “that’s woman stuff” or whatever).
#23
What you do matters. What you say matters. When you say you'll do something and don't, it leaves a stinging impression.
#24
Don’t forget to encourage her.
If you don’t tell her any other time, for every formal dance/prom/big event, tell her she looks beautiful.
If you aren’t affectionate, try to be. Hugs and things like that will go a very very long way.
It’s gonna get rough, but if you do it right she will always be thankful you were there for her.
Editing because I mentioned what my dad could have done better, but not what he did great: teach her basic maintenance skills (change/rotate a tire, change oil, basic things about cars; whats a fuse box; general know-how around a house), teach her about money so she doesn’t feel like she needs a man to provide for her, teach her how to stand up for herself and maybe invest in self defense.
Make sure you help her be as strong and as smart and prepared for life as anyone on this earth should be!
#25
If you do nothing else right, speak kindly. I don't have the best dad, he was always fighting his own demons, and therefor not all that present but he has literally only ever been kind to me and that sticks out more than anything. He praises everything we do, compliments us endlessly, and always made us feel like we were obviously capable of anything. It has always been easy to see/feel his shortcomings really didn't have anything to do with me and were his own personal issues.
#26
Your words stay with her for life. Be kind.
Edit: Thanks for the gold! How exciting!
Edit:2 Thanks for the words of support. For those with similar stories of pain- I am so sorry. The fact we are still here proves we are stronger than those hateful words. Stay strong. Remember therapy does help. God bless all
Smeghead Tribble Down Under 18 hours ago
''Your words stay with her for life.'' This is SO TRUE. I've already said, but the old man called and said horrible things to me as a kid, and right up until he went into a home in late 2024. I'm 45 and word for word I can remember the screaming ab.use and names, and being told things like, ''You're the biggest smart-ar.se bit.ch that ever walked,'' ''You're unemployable,'' ''I hope you d*e in a car accident''. -_-
#27
Don’t belittle her interests (and, unfortunately, the way people use the term “girly” *is* belittling).
You may not share them but they’re important to someone you love, so make a genuine effort to be supportive.
#28
Keep your promises.
I was in second grade. My dad’s work schedule changed so he would be off in the afternoons on mondays. He said we would go to movies on Monday afternoons, just me and him, once or twice a month.
We never went. I never forgot.
Kim Kermes 2 hours ago
I'm so sorry. My dad would get me out of school every year to go to the circus, which he loved.
#29
She's eventually going to need some self defense. Might as well get her in classes early.
Pawsome 16 hours ago
But good ones! I know that it sounds stupid, but the things I have heard about some self defense classes in my country are insane. Some of my classmates attended some self defense classes (something like 12 hours total). They told them to use judo throws, which is crazy. It takes so long to master a throw and they "taught" them three of them. They wanted to try them on me (I did judo) and couldn't even get me to budge (even though I was pretty bad at it and was just standing there). That means that they got in very close to do nothing. That's so dangerous!
#30
Make sure to teach us “boy” stuff, too! I was an only child, and my dad still taught me to drive a tractor, change a tire, hang drywall, and fix things around the house. These skills have come in handy many times in the years since and especially when I was living alone. Plus, it was great bonding time for me and dad :)
Edit: Loving y’all’s stories! You are/have some cool dads.
#31
When they are teenagers, respect their space as it’s a tough time for them and honestly it’s really difficult to talk to your dad about. We have mood swings and you might think we hate you but we love you dearly! Be there for her when she needs it too!
#32
Not a woman, but a dad of a girl: Front to Back is the most important lesson to learn first. Everything else gets complicated, so start there.
#33
If they say they don't want to be touched they don't want to be touched. This should be done with both genders but for girls saying they don't want to be touched and then their dad does it anyway really s***s and leads to mixed messages about what your personal boundaries are allowed to be.
Edit 1: Thank you for my first silver!
Edit 2: Thank you for my first gold!
#34
Teach her that politeness is only for people who earn it. She has every right to be rude to a bully or a catcaller ('Go away, creep' is remarkably effective) or to tell a h***y date she's not interested as rudely as necessary, rather than giggling awkwardly and hoping he gets the hint. I know women who considered themselves hurt and then got a call the next day from the guy wanting to set up another date.
#35
I love how in both of these threads, the advice can mainly be put into two categories:
1. Be a good parent and actually pay attention to your children and learn who they are as individuals
2. Advice based on current cultural norms or trying to subvert current cultural norms
The one thing I would say is, know your child. Every single child is different, with vastly different personalities, quirks, interests, and opinions. Take the time to learn *who* your child is, and care enough to support them.
**If you're trying to make some kind of cultural/political statement with the way your raise your child, you're doing it wrong, and your children will likely resent you for it in the future.**.
#36
I lost my dad when I was 8 years old. He always hug me and repeat : “be always yourself. Be happy. It you have any problem, wake up early and see the sky. Th sunrise gave the inspiration to you to found answers “.
I thinking every father needs to hug a daughter plus have her the comfort of love. She never going to forget that. I am 65 years old and never forget my father hugs plus his love worlds.
This article was sponsored by Genial Day.
What do you think ?
nicholas nolan 18 hours ago
You can just treat all of your children like people and not "just kids". This takes care of all of this. It costs nothing and is gender-neutral.
Just me... 14 hours ago
Dads always remember you are your daughter's first good man. She will measure every man she meets against you. Set the bar high!
nicholas nolan 18 hours ago
You can just treat all of your children like people and not "just kids". This takes care of all of this. It costs nothing and is gender-neutral.
Just me... 14 hours ago
Dads always remember you are your daughter's first good man. She will measure every man she meets against you. Set the bar high!
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