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We like to share our opinions. And if it’s a review of something we just bought or a recommendation for a movie or a restaurant, that’s perfectly fine. However, there are moments when it’s better to keep our thoughts to ourselves, and not everyone seems to be able to draw that line.
Last week, Reddit user BowlerOk1871 asked women online to share a comment someone had made about their body in passing that they never forgot. The thousands of replies they received highlight just how comfortable society is with commenting on a woman’s appearance. Sadly, as the stories show, more often than not, these remarks leave scars rather than smiles.
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#1
I was a painfully shy child and still quite a bit as a teenager. I was talked about a lot at school because I went to a predominantly white school and I’m half black. I was in a math class and the seating chart sat me right next to one of the most popular girls in school one class ahead of me. Most popular girls are mean so I always they are until proven otherwise. On the first day of school she started a conversation with me and during it she said, “wow you’re like really pretty”. It was one of the best compliments I’ve ever had and it really grew my confidence as an insecure teenager. We are now in our 30s and are Facebook friends. I root for her afar now that we’ve both moved away from our hometown.
SummerVeE 18 hours ago
We need more of this! It takes nothing to compliment each other and the things we say may mean a lot. Every time you see someone wearing something beautiful, don't keep the thought to yourself: Tell them! If you pass by someone who has put in a lot of effort but maybe aren't quite there yet, compliment them on something - we all know how much it matters to get that little boost of solidarity and confidence.
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#2
I was having drinks with a man i dated. I showed him a picture I took using a Tiktok filter, one of the ones that put makeup on & just make you look gorgeous, i thought it was such a great shot. He said " you dont need filters. You are prettier than that".
“Lately, I’ve noticed how often body comments creep into everyday spaces — places that should feel safe, supportive, even sacred,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Shelby Castile. “Sometimes it’s framed as a compliment, sometimes it’s just an offhand remark. Either way, it leaves me (and so many others) cringing inside”
When someone comments on a woman’s body — whether it’s “You look great!” or “Wow, you’ve lost weight!” — it might sound harmless. Some even think they’re offering a compliment. But according to Castile, that’s not okay because they do not know that particular woman’s life story.
“That weight loss you’re praising might be grief, illness, or stress,” she points out. “[And] that ‘healthy glow’ might be exhaustion.”
#3
As a teenager, I struggled with my complexion. Add to that I grew up in a predominantly Hispanic area, am half Hispanic, and look 100% white, I was always uncomfortable just existing. Lots of bullying because I "faked" being Hispanic when everyone knew my dad couldn't be my dad. He is: I was so insecure about this that I encouraged my whole family to do Ancestry DNA tests. My primary skin tone is paper white unless it's hot pink (also have rosacea).
Anyway, I was at a local strip mall and this young adult woman with gorgeous dark, even skin and hair stopped me to tell me I have a lovely peaches and cream complexion. Out of nowhere. After that, anytime my head got dark about looking wrong her voice followed and kept me from being too sure I was all bad.
Her and all the old ladies who stopped me to tell me how pretty my hair was over the years kept me from hating myself completely for a long time.
#4
I was at a floating bar in my bikini in another country. I have stretch marks on my hips and upper thighs. This random local guy just pointed at my bathing suit bottoms and said “I like those. I like those on a woman.” I thought maybe it was a language barrier and he was talking about the color or a bikini or something. I said what? And he pointed at my stretch marks and he said “the lines. I love them on a woman. They’re my favorite.” And that was it, he left.
Never been self conscious of my stretch marks ever again.
DrBronxx 18 hours ago
Often we are much more aware of our flaws than others are. In fact, sometimes we are aware of flaws that no-one else notices or cares about. In my experience, if we had to be gendered about things, stretch marks are collective version of this. Again, this is my experience, but women seem to care much more about them than men do, both on themselves and on other people.
#5
Told my then-boyfriend/now-husband I didn’t feel great about wearing shorts because I felt like my knees looked weird. He said “that’s stupid, everybody’s knees look weird, it’s a weird part of the body. Yours don’t even look bad. You have the least notable knees I’ve ever seen” and it made me feel bizarrely delighted. I’ve never hesitated to wear shorts or dresses since.
Whatever the intention, such remarks also keep the spotlight on looks. “Our culture already tells us our worth is tied to our bodies. Each comment reinforces that old, unhelpful story,” the therapist adds.
“It can be triggering. For people who’ve struggled with disordered eating, trauma, or perfectionism, body comments can hit like a punch in the gut.”
#6
"If only you were a little thinner..." - an ex.
"I love all your curves" - my husband.
#7
I have a nice one - not really about body but my hair. I was about 16, when my hair was at its longest, and it tends to go a more golden colour in the summer. An older lady came up to me as I was waiting at the traffic light outside my school, and said to me in the most charming Yorkshire accent "Don't ever dye your beautiful hair, it's lovely." And I never have.
#8
Way way back around 2009 or so, I was walking through Kensington Gardens in late Spring, wearing one of my favourite floral wrap dresses. I was a size 12 at the time.
An Italian couple walked past me, and I overheard the woman say, “Che bella figura.” ☺️.
These unsolicited comments illustrate a broader problem. According to a new survey of 2,000 women, more than one-third of them (35%) feel like they’ve been held back in life, simply because they’re a woman.
(Perhaps due to their willingness to try different things, which is true for 50% of Gen Z much more than any other age group.)
These women find that their ideas are more likely to be dismissed (45%) or that some things are considered “unsafe” for them (36%).
#9
My bf tried to be romantic at a candlelight dinner "Your eyes are like the sky on a cloudy day" ...
I had laughter cramps and married him a few years later 1) because he made me laugh a lot and 2) he would be faithful, no romance.
We got 42 great years together.
#10
A co-worker asked me why my face always looks ‘like that’. With tone.
I looked her in the eye for a minute, just to make it awkward.
Then answered ‘genetics’. With tone.
#11
During covid my workplace hired some medical staff to run daily covid tests on all of us. There was a phase where they did mouth swabs instead of nose swabs and one of the male nurses took my sample and then said 'you really have a picture perfect throat' in the most casual tone ever. He definitely wasnt hitting on me so i was just like uhh cool thanks and shrugged it off because guys say weird stuff sometimes and also what the fucc does that even mean lol. But like a week later or so, a female nurse took my sample and then added 'your throat is really textbook, wonderful color' and you best believe this is now forever stuck in my head. Two medical professionals who looked down a couple hundred throats every single day both commented on MY throat completely unprompted and on separate occasions?? Yeah this one i'll definitely remember forever lmao.
Lukas (fuck/transphobes) 17 hours ago
I remember being really sick and having to get a covid swab. I was like 16, with my dad, and the nurse that did my nasal swab was really cute, so I was mortified when the nasal swab came out covered in snot and mucus. The nurse wasn't weird about it, I'm sure that's normal when you're sick, but when he left I was like "Oh my god, Dad, that was so embarrasing, he was so cute, ugh" and my Dad told my mom when she called on the phone what I had said and they were both asking me "You find guys cute?" and interrogating me about it. It was an interesting day, I tested positive and my mom came in my room and asked if I'd been "kissing on your girlfreind at school" (they didn't know I officially had a girlfreind, my nephew must have told them. Keep in mind my parents were kinda homophobic, they knew at that point I was transmasc but were in denial about it). I looked her d**d in the eye and said "Yes", and she rolled her eyes and walked out. That must have been a weird day for them.
Other reasons why women feel held back include not being taken as seriously as men (35%), being paid less than their male colleagues (35%), or being underestimated by their peers (32%).
One-third of Gen Z have said that they receive fewer responses to applications than their male counterparts, or that they’re unable to get their health concerns addressed quickly and accurately.
Almost one-quarter of millennial women (24%) said they felt held back because they were expected to be parents, and 22% were expected to be stay-at-home parents, which meant giving up their career, just because of their gender.
#13
A guy said he liked my nose. Like most humans, I dislike my own nose, even though it's a fairly ordinary nose. But that guy liked my nose, and he must have been an expert on nose aesthetics because his nose was lovely too. So I guess my nose is okay.
#14
“Babe, your thighs are getting big” from my then bf. He was in Marine ROTC and headed to officers training in a few months. Before the semester ended, I challenged him to race a mile in the armory. I beat him in front of his friends nine days after getting a cast off my foot for a broken metatarsal. Priceless.
However, younger women believe that change is not only possible, but on the horizon.
Almost three in five Gen Z think it’s likely that pay gaps (58%), health care gaps (58%), and leadership gaps (57%) will end before their time comes.
#15
I was 14 and a family member said 'i can't wait until you're 18 and i can pay to get that nose of yours fixed'
apparently they'd approached my parents already and they said no.
Lukas (fuck/transphobes) 17 hours ago
I remember being in 8th grade and this girl who was my "freind" was constantly talking about wanting to fix my eyebrows. I have very sparse eyebrows, and I've never plucked or done anything with them, but I feel a bit insecure about them now.
#16
A guy pointed out a stretch mark on my hip that I did not know about. Now I see it all the time. Thanks.
#17
Talking to my brother about why my relationship with my father was so strained and distant without us ever having argued or been at odds.
My brother then said that my dad had told him that he found it really hard that I was chubby.
So my body was so unacceptable to my own father that it kept us from having a meaningful relationship.
Breadcrumb. 18 hours ago (edited)
Those early puberty years I got a little chubby and I remember my father distancing himself from me and being seen with me. Now I'm his "skinny daughter" when he describes me to people, which I don't like, my sister isn't fat. And w*f.
#18
In my teens I was bragging to my friends about how little I ate. It was something stupid like “I only have eaten a snickers and I’ve lost 5lbs!!!” And one of the girls in our friends group told me I didn’t need to change my body she thought curviness was beautiful. I started seeing myself in a different way.
And if you want to connect, encourage, or compliment someone, Castile recommends shifting the focus away from bodies and trying something along the lines of:
- “I love how dedicated you are to your practice.”
- “Your energy in class is inspiring.”
- “You bring such kindness into this space.”
The key, according to the therapist, is to affirm who the person is rather than what they look like.
#19
My favorite complement was some random guy walking past me while I was on a smoke break at work. He didn’t stop to try and talk to me, didn’t ask my number, didn’t do anything but say “girl, you got good bones” before walking away. 10/10 would experience again.
#20
I've always struggled with acne throughout my teenage years. they made me especially insecure since they were mostly around my cheeks, and I couldn't hide them because I wasn't allowed makeup back then. still have acne now at 20 but it's gotten better. one time in 8th grade, a friend's classmate told me, "your freckles are so pretty!" I was surprised because I don't have any freckles. it took me some time before I realized that they were pointing out my cheek acne and scars. that forever changed the way I saw my acne, and also partly why over the years, I've come to be confident even when my skin flared up. I still have some light scarring on my cheeks, and sometimes I love accentuating them with makeup because some kid back then told me they look like freckles.
#21
A classmate once commented that I have very shiny knees that looked like newly oiled bald heads. Fifteen years later and I’m still not sure if that was a dig or a compliment.
#22
So so many. Shopping with my mom as a kid was a humiliation ritual every time. She would make me try on clothes and then point out why each piece wasn’t flattering on “our” body type.
My ex husband told me that my eyes did nothing for him when I tried a new mascara. He also had a girlfriend while we were married and I found messages where they talked about how ugly I was.
Lukas (fuck/transphobes) 17 hours ago
My mom would do that to me too. I always liked the cute overalls with the shorts, where you wear a t-shirt under them? I always wanted a pair, but my mom said "they wouldn't fit our body type." We don't even have the same body type (I'm adopted).
#23
Walking down a street one day, some guy says to me, "Nice face, lose the weight". That was over 40 years ago.
#24
My friend's nan once said to me: "You've got fat. Oh no, I mean, you've had your hair cut"
Breadcrumb. 18 hours ago
Dementia? Filter usually leaves with the other parts that make you feel things like shame.
#25
I have a lot of negative ones that I could share, but I'll go with one that wasn't. 10 years ago a friend said I have beautiful shoulders, and as silly as that sounds, it completely changed the way I percieve my body. It made me realize that there *are* parts of it that look genuinely good and that people appreciate, and that I had been so hyperfocused on my not-so-attractive features that I never even noticed there might be some to appreciate as well.
KatWitch57 36 minutes ago
Women's clothes sizes are not standardised. By that I mean; between companies, between countries, within companies, within countries, within stores, within styles, within brands. Sizes do not have uniform definitions of; short, tall, leg-size, shoe-size or even 'size' in any way. Size is a myth. Now, it gets better: Store sizes are completely misleading, and ... size guides are hopeless too.
#26
Wanted to get my nose pierced, mum said “no you don’t want to draw attention to that nose”.
#27
A bus driver said he liked my legs. I have the wrong kind of Scandinavian ancestors and those trunks are STURDY, but I guess he appreciated a girl he couldn’t easily run over.
Kristiina Männiste 16 hours ago
In older times Estonian girls used to wrap a long woven belt around their calves under their stockings to make the calf appear broader - a desirable bride had to look sturdy and able to work hard for the household. There still is a place called Jämejala (Thick foot) after this practice. Unfortunately my ancestors were the all natural stocky and sturdy type..
#28
I was in sixth grade and I remember clear as day looking at my Mom to smile at her. In front of multiple people she said “Yeah, you need your eyebrows and mustache waxed”
I was a little girl in freaking sixth grade - I was insecure and awkward enough without that comment.
Tore my self confidence up.
#29
In college I went to my first gyn appointment to get birth control. The doctor said she wanted to run some labs. She said she could tell by looking at me that I had PCOS because I had a "basketball belly." And since that's how men gain weight, not women, it was a sign of high testosterone.
I did indeed have PCOS. But what an *awful* way to diagnose anyone, especially a 19 year old who hasn't even finished her first quarter of college.
#30
I was trying to recover from an eating disorder. My then boyfriend laughed, poked at my stomach and called it my snackpack. So yeah, relapsed right then
#31
I was 18 my sister was pregnant with her first and she had gained about 70lbs, I had just lost almost 70lbs. I had gotten to my goal of 135lbs size 5 pants. My sister was hormonal and crashing out to my mom. She was upset that she had gained and I was losing. My sister was always the tall, thin, blonde attractive one. When she was crying about it my mom said "you'll lose the weight and you'll always be the pretty one". I know my mom didn't mean it that way as she's the type to say anything needed if fix a problem. I'm 40 and still think about it.
She was right, she lost all the weight, I gained some back (I gave up after hearing that).
Ali 16 hours ago
My mum said stuff like this all the time. She always told me sister she was the pretty one, the popular one, the talented one. She still does and we are in our 50's. It always hurt, and it still does. In her head, I believe she thought those were things I didn't care about so giving my sister the confidence boost was right. However, what I heard is I could never be those things, my self confidence was zero for other reasons, so it was wrong. Thing is, it hurt my sister too. What she heard when my mum spoke like that was that she was stupid. She had to work really really hard to get good grades yet all my mum said was that she was pretty.
#32
In 5th grade I was eating lunch with a girl who randomly said “you’re fat”. I instinctively said “no I’m not?” to which she doubled down and said it again. I stopped eating my lunch and threw it in the trash. My perspective on my appearance was forever altered.
#33
In 7th grade a boy called me "chisel chin". I had never seen a sideways view of my face, but you can be sure I looked in the mirror very carefully that night. My chin is (or was, since that was decades ago) indeed a bit chisel-ish. But the thing was, I didn't think it was ugly. I don't know why it didn't bother me, because at that age everything did. However, I never forgot it, and I can still recall exactly where it happened.
#34
I was on holiday in Hong Kong about 30 years ago. I was a size 14 UK size, at one of the markets, one of the women shook her head and me and said ‘no no no’. When I looked confused she said ‘we have no clothes here for a fat lady like you’.
I mean she was right all the clothes were tiny, but ….
Little Bit 16 hours ago
This reminds me of years ago when I was a UK size 8-10, but as I am only 5' with a naturally stocky muscular build, I have never ever looked slender. I have always struggled to find clothes that look good on me. I was talking to my beautiful, tall, slender cousin who worked at a fashion store about what to wear to a family reunion. She looked me up and down and said, "Oh don't worry, we sell clothes for fat people as well, you know." Thank you...
#35
I was a year younger than the kids in my grade, and where I live at the time you had elementary school split from high school, so grade 7 was elementary then you were in high school in grade 8, no middle. I hit grade 8 at 12 years old and immediately was targeted by the girls in school. Gym class I recall specifically. I was asked why I hadn't shaved my disgusting legs. I was 12.
#36
“I like your hair better straight” - traumatizing curly-haired girls everywhere. Disappointed in myself for staying with that boyfriend another year when it was clear he didn’t love my authentic self.
Pawsome 2 hours ago
Apparently I have really pretty hair and should straighten it. So, it's not pretty? And I could look pretty if I grew it out and straighten it. I got bullied for it for a while, though one of my bullies, who was apparently not very bright would call me Cleopatra because of it. I have no clue what the link is and I kinda fail to see the insult in that
#37
A female massage therapist asked if I've ever been told I have the softest skin they've ever touched. I said yeah, 4 people have told me that.
She responds with well I can assure you if they haven't told you they were thinking it.
#38
My mother had knitted me a jumper - it was the 70’s - but it was brown and green horizontal stripes. The first day I wore it, she said to my grandma ‘she looks like a little fat bumble bee in it, but never mind’.
It was the first and last time I wore it and she kept asking me why I wasn’t wearing it…. I was 9 yo. Now 59F.
KatWitch57 8 minutes ago
In the unlikely event you still own the jumper, you can sell it as Vintage. Otherwise, either bin it or, make it into a cushion cover ..
#39
There's a little circle bone in your wrist. In 7th grade, someone told me the reason I couldn't see mine is because I was fat.
I still look for that bone subconsciously.
#40
I sent a pic to a guy friend years back of my dog that was snuggling with me. My arm was around him. My friend saw the arm and said it looked like it should be on a corpse.
#41
Someone I was seeing told me I had a "grandma face" and started laughing while claiming it was a compliment. Things went south but we somehow rematched on Tinder a year later. The moment I saw who it was I blocked them. I still feel bad for anyone who has to look at me.
#42
My mother would say keep your weight down, you’ll get broad shoulders. After her menopause she started to put on some weght. Her shoulders are broader than mine.
#44
My husband told me I had nice legs once 3 years ago and I still think about it.
#45
A boy in high school told me I have “pancake hands”. Idk what that even means.
#46
It's so small but still lives in my mind. I was an ugly duckling during puberty. I had severe acne, glasses that didn't suit me, braces, etc. I was already getting bullied but that's another can of worms.
I was interested in babysitting to make some cash to fund my hobbies at the time. My local library was hosting CPR classes. So my mom signed me up for it and off I went. The class was mainly catered to teens so there were a lot of teenage girls in the class.
As soon as I walked in, I knew I stook out like a sore thumb. I remember making eye contact with one girl. I thought she was really pretty but she obviously didn't think the same about me. She just said "Ew.".
#47
Been marveled over like an animal in a zoo when one of my friends in 5th grade was like "wow you have so much arm hair!" 😭 one of my first insecurities lol.
#48
Recently on a date he asked how many guys I was dating because “I’m so beautiful”. I’ve always been insecure and it was really nice to hear the compliment. It’s stuck with me as a reminder not to be so hard on myself. Most of the things we worry about no one else notices.
#49
I was crawling/playing on the floor when I was 10 and my dad said, “Look, your belly hangs down to the floor!” I’ve hated my belly for 33 years because of that comment.
#50
I’m going to take this in a different direction but compliments on my hands (look and feel). It’s kind of an unusual compliment to get in general but particularly how often it comes from strangers.
Poppy 13 hours ago
I had that happen to me once. I was on a bus and stood up to get off and was holding on to a bar to steady myself. An elderly gentleman stopped me once I got off and said he thought I had lovely hands and they were nice and smooth. I said thanks, he must have seen a weird look on my face as he said he didn't mean anything weird or anything he just wanted to compliment me on them. First and only time I've been complimented on my hands.
#51
My family has told me I have nice full eyebrows, but once in 7th grade a girl looked at me and asked “oh did you have a shaving accident?” pointing at the end of my eyebrow. It has a slightly uneven dip as the hair thins out. I never noticed my eyebrows nor thought about shaving them until that point. She laughed thinking it was a silly mistake, not meaning any harm. I can’t look at my eyebrows the same anymore. I can never unsee it.
#52
A teacher once said “you’d be so pretty if you smiled more” in front of the whole class. I was 12, and still think about it sometimes.
#53
Went to pick out a graduation dress with my mom, I was gravitating towards a statement red dress and she told me that red didn’t look good on me. It took years for me to feel confident wearing red again.
DrBronxx 18 hours ago
I remember my dad (person least-bothered by fashion in the world) telling me randomly that the colours that look best on people are the colours that match your eyes, and that's why it's difficult to look good in red. I thought it was interesting, and I've never really bothered to look it up to see if it's true. I don't much care anyway. My favourite football team wears red, so I'm not going to stop wearing my jerseys for a reason like that. The weirdest thing was that it was my *dad* telling me this - he has never ever shown an interest in that sort of thing in his entire life. It's likely that it was just a bit of trivia he found interesting.
#54
A drunk guy at a party in uni told me that it was a good thing I had a chubby face because it stopped me appearing anorexic. I've grown out of that late teen gangly phase but I learnt that my face is just the first place I show any weight gain. For my body to be in a healthly place, I have to accept the full face and slight double chin. Reality of a recessive chin. I've never like how my face looked since though, genuinely repulses me.
#55
Immediately after birth in the nincu the nurse was looking back and forth and baby and me. And said oh yea I guess he has weird ears like you. I never thought my ears were weird. What a strange thing to say to someone immediately after birth when holding baby for the first time.
#56
"you look prettier with some weight", I've always been incredibly insecure and wanting to change things about how I look, this comment made me feel like no matter what I did or didn't do was good enough.
What do you think ?
Dispatcherqueen 9 hours ago
I had just cut my hair, and when I walked into our center, a coworker says, "you know, none of us like it when your hair is short" My response? "Well, none of us like it when you breathe, but you don't hear us bi%$ing about it". You should have seen her face when everyone else started laughing.
Jesha 17 hours ago
My nibling when they were little said "I like how soft you are! You're so good to hug!" and it made me feel extremely good about something I'm normally highly self conscious about. Still working on it, but when I start to beat myself up I can hear that tiny, loving voice in my head and it makes me smile so much.
DrBronxx 17 hours ago
I was out to dinner with a dentist, among some other friends. He stopped our conversation to tell me that my teeth were perfectly aligned, and asked me if I'd had work done. Another friend at the dinner said "Yeah, *other friend who is not at the dinner, but who is also a dentist* said the same thing." I was oddly proud to say that no, I've never had work done. Not that sort of work, anyway.
Dispatcherqueen 9 hours ago
I had just cut my hair, and when I walked into our center, a coworker says, "you know, none of us like it when your hair is short" My response? "Well, none of us like it when you breathe, but you don't hear us bi%$ing about it". You should have seen her face when everyone else started laughing.
Jesha 17 hours ago
My nibling when they were little said "I like how soft you are! You're so good to hug!" and it made me feel extremely good about something I'm normally highly self conscious about. Still working on it, but when I start to beat myself up I can hear that tiny, loving voice in my head and it makes me smile so much.
DrBronxx 17 hours ago
I was out to dinner with a dentist, among some other friends. He stopped our conversation to tell me that my teeth were perfectly aligned, and asked me if I'd had work done. Another friend at the dinner said "Yeah, *other friend who is not at the dinner, but who is also a dentist* said the same thing." I was oddly proud to say that no, I've never had work done. Not that sort of work, anyway.
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